


you don't know what you had until it's gone

by eyydude



Series: treasure [1]
Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Neglect, Crying, Flashbacks, Grief/Mourning, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Sexual Content, Temporary Character Death, death not permanent i swear, think of it like the death tarot card, trust me and don't be scared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:41:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 23
Words: 25,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27847062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyydude/pseuds/eyydude
Summary: Illumi is dead.He's dead and as realization slowly dawns on everyone they reminisce about their times with the assassin while also looking for a way to bring him back.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck, Illumi Zoldyck & Everyone, Illumi Zoldyck & Killua Zoldyck, Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer & Illumi Zoldyck
Series: treasure [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2126694
Comments: 360
Kudos: 841





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> oookaaaay so I really need to make this clear for everyone, the plan is 100% to bring Illumi back. 
> 
> He won't stay dead  
> 1\. because my heart can't take it  
> 2\. because no one will allow that
> 
> Haff fun :3

It all happens in a flash, Killua watches as his older brother crumples like a stringless puppet and the wave of emotions that hit him are like a thousand knives cutting him at once.

He stares for a moment, frozen in place, mind blank and body paralyzed.

He should be dead, not Illumi, but his stupid big brother with his stupid speed and his stupid love or obsession or whatever it is he feels - felt - whatever he felt…

Killua whimpers.

There’s one step.

Another.

One more.

He’s running and falling to his knees next to the dead body of the man that raised him and Killua isn’t sure what to do.

As he sits there all he can think about is his older brother and how a broken little part of him wishes Illumi would stand, laugh at Killua with song-like voice and stare at him with those big, blank eyes. He wants his brother to mock his desire to get away from their family and shove another of those terrible needles in his brain because even that would be better than this, this strange emptiness.

Killua reaches out with shaky hands and grabs Illumi’s limp hand. He pulls on it, maybe he’s just pretending, maybe whatever terrible training he’s endured taught Illumi how to raise himself from the dead, maybe just maybe, thinks the part of Killua that is still just a child that looks up at his older brother like he’d hung the moon in the sky…

He takes the limp hand, places it on top of his head of fluffy, white hair, the hair he both hates and loves for so many reasons. The hair that marks him every day of his life...The hair Illumi used to ruffle and kiss when Killua was just a baby.

He holds it there on top of his head.

Killua weeps.

_Ten years ago, Zoldyck estate_

_Killua has his little nose smushed against the window, he climbed all the way up on a cupboard, knock over one of his mother’s ugly vases and he did it all by himself._

_The little boy wonders if his big brother will be proud of him, his mother and all the butlers always praise him, but it always feels strange to Killua. He always has this feeling they’re not really talking to him, mother cradles his head and combs his hair and he can almost swear she’s looking more at his hair than at him._

_Every time the older butlers talk to him there’s a slip of the tongue where someone nearly calls him Master Silva. They think Killua hasn’t noticed, but he did, his big brother taught him how to always listen, taught him that every little detail matters and that in every stutter, laugh and gesture of a person there’s a story._

_Killua isn’t very good at reading those stories, he’s not patient enough, case in point. He’s still waiting anxiously by the window, his little nose pressed against it so hard and his breath fogging up the glass - mother would be so angry- Illumi should be back home soon._

_He tries to recall how long Illumi has been away, but he’s never been good with numbers or with paying attention, but he knows it’s been a long time. He even grew a little bit! Killua is very excited to show his big brother that he’s a slightly bigger boy now._

_It’s been the first time since Killua was born that Illumi was sent away for a long period of time to complete a mission and unlike the rest of the inhabitants of Kukuroo mountain that are used to Illumi’s scattered, ghostly presence, Killua is used to frequent visits from him brother. Where the staff and their parents are used to brief talks and long periods of time where they don’t catch sight of the assassin, Killua is used to stories and training, he’s used to little secret treats and shared smiles._

_Killua misses his brother and today he’s coming back and so in true stubborn Zoldyck manner Killua is going to wait in front of the window until he sees his brother coming. The little boy already made his plan, as detailed and thought out as his little mind can, his own little “assassination” plan._

_The moment he sees the gates open Killua is going to run outside and be the very first person - maybe besides Mike - that greets Illumi._

_“Master Killua!” One of the butlers calls out just as Killua sees the gate open._

_He jumps off the cupboard and runs before the butler gets in even another word._

_He’s going to see his brother._

_It doesn’t take long for Killua to feel like something is wrong He makes it halfway through the forest and Illumi is still nowhere to be seen. Killua knows his brother is fast, he should have been already at the front door by the time Killua ran downstairs on his pudgy little feet._

_That is when he sees it, just a few meters away from the gates, a body slumped against a tree._

_Killua can smell blood, he’s familiar with it even this early in his life. How could he not be?_

_He takes a closer look and his heart stops, his eyes widen when he notices very familiar black eyes, the hair, the clothes._   
_Illumi._

_Illumi covered in blood and cuts, bleeding out on a tree right in front of the gates and Killua is sure, he’s so sure, no one would even know._

_“Illu-nii!” He shouts and runs to his big brother._

_A bloodied hand moves up and Illumi puts a finger to his lips._

_“Quiet…” His eyes try to focus on Killua unsuccessfully._

_The little boy closes his mouth quickly and nods, eyes wide and watery._

_“C-can I help?” He whispers._

_He has to help. He **needs** to help. This is his older brother laying right in front of him, hurt and bleeding, so incredibly vulnerable that it makes Killua want to cry even more because he’s never seen his big brother like this before. His little mind is hopelessly trying to understand how his perfect, older brother that moves quickly as the wind, silent like a shadow, his brother that is always one step ahead and so, so smart…_

_Killua sniffles._

_“I-Illu-nii…” He whimpers and the tears can’t stop. He knows he’ll get scolded, he does. Assassins don’t cry, but here he is, his brother is hurt and he’s just a child that can’t do anything and he’s afraid,_

_So, so afraid._

_“Shhh…” There’s another faint shushing noise from Illumi and oh so slowly, so very gently he reaches out at places a hand on Killua’s head._

_“‘S fine...Can’t go, we still have training, Killu…”_

_An hour passes before someone comes looking for Killua, not Illumi, Killua notices, no one was looking for Illumi._

_His brother has somehow managed to gather enough energy to stand up, it’s almost as if nothing happened to him, almost like he wasn’t bleeding out, barely able to speak just an hour ago._

_It doesn’t matter, none of it does because Illumi is the perfect assassin and nothing can hurt him._

Somewhere ten years from then Killua will be once again crying as he looks at the bloodied body of his brother. There’s still a hand on top of his head, just like back then.  
Killua sobs.

“Illu-nii…You can’t go, we still have training…”

No one answers him this time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is a pretty fast update, dunno what's gotten into me, but please don't expect a regular posting schedule cause I'm a mess ;__;

Killua is desperately trying to make sense of his thoughts as he runs as fast as he can to Kukuroo Mountain. Illumi’s body is lighter than he expected and he almost freezes when the thought occurs to him.

Illumi’s body.

His brother’s corpse.

There are blood stains everywhere, Killua can’t even tell for sure if his clothes are damp from sweat, tears or blood and he’s afraid to even check. All he knows is that he has to run, return home after so long, kick and scream until everyone listens to his demands because he knows a way.

He knows how to fix it and he hates it, because it took so long to save his sister, to send her away somewhere safe where Killua doesn’t even know. It’s now for the first time that Killua truly thinks about his family.

He has three brothers.

He has one sister.

He tries to think about each of them. There are countless memories of Alluka, he knows everything there is to know about his little sister, but then he turns to his brothers and there is almost nothing.

Killua thinks it’s strange that once he ran away from home to save a sister.

Now he’s running home to save his brother.

He looks down at Illumi’s face, even paler than usual, Killua can barely believe it possible, but then again, he didn’t believe it possible for his brother to die either. Somehow he seems almost at peace, eyes closed, face slack, body limp...almost like he’s resting. Killua wonders how much rest Illumi got before...this.

_ The Past _

_ “ILLU-NII! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!” Killua runs down the stairs, shouting as loud as his lungs would allow. _

_ Illumi turns his head to see Killua running out of the mansion and towards the training ring, he easily dodges an attack from Kalluto and sighs. _

_ Killua stops in front of the ring, a large, proud grin on his face. Kalluto stops attacking, he knows how this song and dance goes. Killua arrives and he is discarded, it happens when Kalluto has tea with mother, when father comes for brief visits to throw a small, acknowledging look in Kalluto’s direction or even when the butlers are supposed to do something for Kalluto. _

_ Killua is the heir, Kalluto knows, although he’s not yet sure what the word means, he thinks it means loved and the green monster of jealousy grows in the pit of his stomach. He prepares to turn around and leave, he knows how much Illumi loves Killua, he knows he will never be first in anyone’s heart. _

_ “Kalluto-chan?” Illumi tilts his head to the side and say Kalluto’s name in that bird-like way of his.  _

_ “ANIKI LOOK!” Killua keeps yelling, he’s starting to get upset, Illumi should be looking at him. He has something important to show him. _

_ Illumi holds a hand up and suddenly both Kalluto and Killua feel cold. _

_ Silence. _

_ Illumi claps his hands and smiles. “Kalluto-chan, we’re still training, I didn’t tell you to stop. Kil-kun, what do you need?” _

_ Both Kalluto and Killua freeze for a few moments, Killua not used to sharing his toys and Kalluto not used to keeping his toys when Killua wants them. _

_ Without a warning Illumi lashes out and with one swift kick sends Kalluto flying out of the ring. _

_ “Keep your guard up, you were doing well a moment ago.” His tone is still melodic, a touch of confusion, but there’s praise in it and Kalluto can’t help, but soak it all up. _

_ He gets up and runs back ready to continue his training, ready to make his brother proud, if only for another crumb of praise. _

_ “Now, Kil-kun, I asked you what you needed!” He dodges gracefully out of Kalluto’s way. _

_ Killua looks down frowning, if there’s anyone in the entire world that can make Killua Zoldyck feel ashamed, it has to be his oldest brother. _

_ “I was, uh... “ he kicks the dirt, “I was practicing the technique you showed me and I managed to do it,” he pouts, “I wanted to show it to you.” _

_ “That was very quick of you, Kil-kun! Have you shown mother and father yet? They will be very proud.”  _

_ “I wanted you to see it first…” Killua continues pouting. _

_ Illumi dodges another attack and absentmindedly considers if he should get a haircut, he sees his hair flowing behind him and firmly decides he will not be getting anymore haircuts. _

_ He faces his two little brothers, little mirrors of their parents, Killua a perfect image of their father, the one true heir and Kalluto, beautiful and graceful just like mother. _

_ Illumi would die for them. _

_ Illumi will die for them. _

_ “I have an idea!” He says, face blank, eyes wide, but voice just like a bird’s chirp. _

_ The younger Zoldycks tilt their heads to the side in a manner very similar to their older brother.  _

_ Neither of the three have noticed this little quirks that was picked up. _

_ “Kil-kun, you can try teaching Kalluto-chan what I showed you. That way I can be sure you understood.” _

_ Both Killua and Kalluto are at a loss of words.  _

_ “Well?” There’s an almost pout on Illumi’s face. _

_ The siblings nod in sync and jump in the training ring together. _

_ The rest of the day passes with all three Zoldycks practicing together. _

  
  
  


Present

Killua shakes himself out of the memory, he’s almost home.

Finally.

A little part of him tries to remember if he ever trained with Kalluto after that, if he ever talked to him.

His eyes sting when he realizes he never did.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a short chapter just like the baby zoldycks
> 
> next one we should get to kukuroo mountain and then get some other reactions besides killua
> 
> and of course hisoka will have to find out about this soon >:3c


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go, another little update for you guys! I'm really happy everyone's been enjoying this as much as I am

He’s at the gates.

He made it and there’s just a few more steps until he’s home.

Killua is afraid.

Afraid because with these last few steps he’ll make it real, because somehow in Killua’s mind there is still a chance all this is just a cruel, terrible trick and once he passes the gates it will be real.

His arms are tired. 

His arms shouldn’t be tired, Killua went through so much more, this should be nothing compared to his training, but somehow...Somehow the barely there weight - the  **dead** weight, a terrible part of his brain supplies - of his brother’s body is heavier than any amount of weights that have been put on him in training.

He looks up at the Testing Gates and his thinks that Illumi’s corpse is so much harder to move.

He shakes himself out of it. A few more steps, Zebro will let him in quickly, he doesn’t want to explain this...He can’t explain this, the moment he even tries to recall what happen all he sees if Illumi’s body crashing to the ground and doesn’t want to think of that, he wants that memory erased, ripped apart and destroyed.

On shaky legs he arrives to the gates, it’s night, no sign of tourists or idiots trying to find an early and abrupt death.

Killua is glad he’s alone, but a part of him wishes he wasn’t.

The bloodthirsty part of him that’s looking for any excuse to rip someone apart, let his grief out through anger and take as many lives as he can, because how dare they live while his brother is dead.

His legs walk him through the gates without Killua realizing.

He’s home.

He.

Is.

…

Home?

Does he consider it home anymore? Did he ever? Branches rustle and break and Killua breaks out of his train of thought. Killua jumps, he never gets used to seeing Mike appear out of nowhere at night, no matter how many times Illumi told him Mike would never harm a family member Killua couldn’t shake the small worry in the back of his head.

Mike was always a strange beast with his huge size, blank stare and terrifying appetite, but Illumi still treated him like one would a regular family dog and strangely, Mike acted in an almost puppy-like manner when Illumi was around.

  
  
  


_ The Past _

_ “Kill-kun, don’t sulk. We’re just visiting Mike.”  _

_ Killua watches carefully as his older brother seems to glide, like he’s walking on air. It’s always perfectly silent, delicate and deadly. Zeno always says Illumi moves like that because his head is full of air, he always laughs about it too and then father glares, but says nothing. _

_ A whistle drags Killua back to reality and he sees Illumi’s the source of the noise. The trees in the distances shake, he hears branches breaking and leaves rustling and then Mike is standing in front of his brother. Two pairs of large, black eyes staring into each other and understanding on a level Killua is sure he will never really achieve.  _

_ “Good boy!” Illumi says cheerfully and Mike lays down, enormous head on his front paws as he receives enthusiastic head pats. _

_ “Kil-kun came to visit you today.”  _

_ Now two pairs of equally unnerving eyes are staring at Killua, both Mike and Illumi have their heads slightly tilted to the side. _

_ “...Aniki...do I really need to be here?” Killua complains. _

_ He wants back to his room and his things, he doesn’t like Mike and he thought Illumi was going to take him to the playground. Killua doesn’t understand why his brother wants him to spend time with Mike so much. _

_ Illumi blinks, he needs to quickly think of a plan to fix this, but before he’s even finished with planning out his fifteen ways of convincing Killua that spending time with Mike and Illumi will be both productive and fun, Killua is already turning on his heel and walking away. _

_ After a brief pause he sits down and snuggles in Mike’s side. His stomach feels empty, but he ate and even if he didn’t he knows he can go for much longer without feeling hunger. _

_ Illumi really wanted Killua to like Mike. _

_ No one pays attention to Mike, ever since father handed the strange pup over to Illumi and told him to train it no one has spared him much attention. Illumi is very proud of Mike, just as he is proud of his siblings, he grew up strong and smart, loyal and always ready to protect their family. _

_ He sighs and sinks even further in Mike’s fur, he pulls out his phone and quickly takes a picture, making sure the hound’s head appears in frame. It doesn’t take long before he gets a response. _

_ “Oh my! What a good boy you’ve been hiding from me all along, darling _ _! What’s his name? ★ -_-💧” _

__

_ Illumi feels better. _

  
  
  


Present

A growl breaks the silence.

Killua’s eyes widen when he notices what’s happening. There stands Mike in all his horrific glory, black, lightless eyes concentrating on one, single spot.

Illumi’s body.

The massive beast stares and then takes a step forward, he leans down and sniffs Illumi’s dangling hand, nudges it with his snout. Mike’s master isn’t moving and Mike isn’t sure why, no matter how many people he’s killed or how big he gets. One thing is never going to change, because in front of Illumi Mike is always the same little puppy from many years ago, limbs too long and paws too big.

Killua gulps and takes a step back, preparing to bolt.

Mike growls louder, all training forgotten, mind blank, but for one thought.

He can’t stay here, he needs to run right now. 

Killua does just that, getting to the house as fast as he can while he hears the most terrible, grief filled howls coming from the forest. 

He wishes he could scream that loud too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehehe tiny hisoka cameo to warm the heart but oh man soon enough we'll see present hisoka ;__;


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is a very fluffy chapter :3 i just needed to put out some hisoillu content because I love them so much uwu

Hisoka walks out of the bathroom, hair down, make-up off and completely naked. Little droplets of water fall on the floor of the apartment as he makes his way to the bedroom, he pauses to admire himself in the mirror. 

He pouts as he looks over his body, the last bites and bruises from Illumi’s last stay are all gone, no more scratches on his back, not even a little love bite. It’s been a while since his his princess visited, Hisoka chuckles at the little endearment, it’s one of his favorites. Illumi always gets the cutest, little pout when he gets called that and it pleases Hisoka to no end.

After admiring himself for far longer than needed he makes his way to the bedroom and begins dressing. He should give Illumi a call, they’ve been texting as they always do during their times apart, but Hisoka craves hearing the sound of Illumi’s voice. His lilting tone, there’s something so charming in the combination of that expressionless face and that very expressive voice.

Hisoka throws himself on their shared bed, Illumi’s scent is long gone, but there are little hints of him. Spoiled little thing he is, the assassin is the one that picks their laundry detergent, the one that spends too much time trying to match the drapes and the carpet.

It’s funny, Hisoka thinks, how particular Illumi is about these things while also forgetting he needs to eat or simply living off of sweets until Hisoka gets him some actual food. The way his lover manages to be both a ruthless assassin and have a childlike air about him fascinates Hisoka.

In all his strange moods and weird behaviours the assassin is still the most beautiful person Hisoka has ever seen.

Hisoka always had an eye for beauty.

That’s why the second he laid his eyes on Illumi so many years ago he immediately knew he had to have him. 

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ Never before has Hisoka been so enraptured with a performance that was not his own. Everything has a start, he thinks, as he watches the news addition to their caravan perform a death defying jump on the tightrope she’s currently walking. _

_ The strange little girl arrived just around a week ago with her frilly dress and cute, little pigtails. They bounce all over the place as she walks, spins and jumps and Hisoka can barely keep himself from reaching over and pulling on them just to see that adorable blank face scrunch up. _

_ Hisoka has never seen eyes so big, like a bug, a tiny delicate bug that you could break in an instant, but there’s something else there, he can feel it.  _

_ This cute little bug of his is poisonous. _

_ The ringmaster calls her Lulu, another adorable detail to this lovely picture. She’s so tiny, fragile looking and Hisoka is not the healthiest looking teen out here, but Lulu looks like a stiff breeze could pick her up and take her away.  _

_ Hisoka would hate for that to happen, there’s a horrible feeling in his stomach each time he thinks about it, similar to hunger, but...more. _

_ A round of loud applause and cheers break him from his daydream. Hisoka looks up and, sure enough, Lulu is balancing on the tightrope on her hands, slowly walking across it like that. She’s too far up, but Hisoka can tell that tiny face is just as blank as ever. _

_ He really wants to make that impassive little face move in some way, make her cry maybe or laugh, Hisoka knows that no matter what expression she’ll make it will be unforgettable. _

_ Lulu’s number ends and Hisoka has to begin his own soon after, he loses sight of her quickly, the little thing always manages to slip away after she finishes work. She moves around like a ghost, you only see her if she wants you to see her and for the most part she doesn’t. _

_ After properly entertaining the crowd Hisoka is out of the tent in a flash, already looking for Lulu, trying to catch a glimpse of her pigtails turning the corner a second after her body, of her dress and ribbons or maybe her little shoes and breakable ankles. _

_ Hisoka might not be as much of a ghost as she is, with his bright hair and even brighter eyes, he likes being seen, he loves being seen, admired. It comes with being a Meteor City child, born invisible if born at all. _

_ Tonight is dark, cloudy with barely any stars, but the moon is full and beautiful.  _

_ Hisoka makes his way around the camp, quietly, and then he hears a thud. He’s not sure what made it, but all of a sudden he feels a tingle in his belly. _

_ He makes his way towards the source of the noise quietly and as soon as he sees the scene in front of him a grin spreads across his face, he must look deranged, but Hisoka can’t bring himself to care. _

_ In front of him, face down in the mud lays the ringmaster, dead as can be, a pool of blood already spreading around him. He doesn’t spend much looking at the corpse, no, that’s not what interests him, the corpse is boring.  _

_ What interests hisoka is the little pair of shiny shoes that gracefully jump back just in time so they don’t get stained with blood. Hisoka’s eyes move up and up until he’s staring into soulless, blank eyes. _

_ “Oh my…” He says giddly, a little giggle escapes him. _

_ Lulu’s face  _ **_finally_ ** _ scrunches up, her little nose wrinkles in disgust as she looks at Hisoka and the teen has never been more excited in his life. _

_ “What’d he do to ya?” He grins and takes a step forward. Hisoka knows he’s being bold, but he can’t help it, if he dies he might as well die happy, right? _

_ Lulu’s eyes move up to her pigtails and she pulls out a tiny needle. The air around her can only be described as threatening and Hisoka wants to walk up to her and boop her little nose. _

_ Never one for self-preservation, Hisoka does just that and oh, if he thought seeing her little nose scrunch up was good, this is even better. _

_ Her big eyes become even bigger somehow and she stares up at Hisoka. _

_ “Ah~ You’re so cute, Lulu! What did the mean ringmaster do to upset such a cute little girl?” Hisoka doesn’t really care, he knows what kind of man he was, it’s easy for him to connect some dots, but something doesn’t fully fit. _

_ “Not a girl.” Lulu says and Hisoka’s grin gets even bigger. _

_ “Alright~” He knows he must look like a fox staring at a chicken right now, but he simply can’t contain his glee. _

_ Lulu turns on their heel and stomps away, but Hisoka doesn’t let up.  _

_ He starts following, but he barely makes it to three steps before he feels a prick in his neck and the world goes dark. _

_ Hisoka wakes up later, face down in the mud and with a tiny needle in his neck. _

_ He keeps the needle and thinks of little Lulu. _

  
  
  


Present

Hisoka sighs and grabs his phone.

He sits up in bed and grabs his and Illumi’s matching plushies, they have two Hisoka dolls made by Illumi, one is older, nicely made, but still clearly not done by a professional, the other is newer, perfect. Hisoka adores them both, because Illumi made them with his needles and his hands, his sweet Lulu spent so much of his precious time making something for Hisoka.

The other doll is made by Hisoka himself, a mini Illumi that he made out of boredom while his lover was away on one of his longer missions. 

The little Illumi has a tiny needle in his hand, the very same needle Hisoka pulled out of his neck years ago.

Hisoka smiles, dials Illumi’s number and waits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3 just waiting for that call to go through right guys?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i passed 100 kudos and i have no idea how that happened but um, thank you everyone so much 
> 
> this whole fic was a spur of the moment and like
> 
> wow

Tsubone and Gotoh face each other, an exquisitely made chessboard between then, the pieces still unmoved. They have already spent too long arguing - in a very proper manner, as fit for a Zoldyck butler - about who should take which color and it was finally decided that Tsubone should have the white pieces while Gotoh shall take the black ones.

With that incredibly important issue out of the way they proceed with their match. The elder looks over the board, no move has been made yet, but she knows that much like herself Gotoh has already made his way through numerous possibilities.

She moves a pawn and Gotoh’s eyes shine behind his glasses, or were his glasses that shone? Tsubone keeps herself from sighing, Mamade Kikiyo’s side of the household never ceases to amaze her.

When it seems that Gotoh will make his first move, an ear splitting howl echoes from the woods. Neither of them jumps or flinches, their eyes just widen a fraction and they turn to look towards the forest.

If hearing Mike’s howl took them both by surprise then the following events make them freeze.

Master Killua finally returns home.

They had lost hope in spite of Master Silva’s strong belief that his son shall one day return to take over the family business and fulfill his duties as heir. The little boy was not made to be an assassin, strong as he was, good as he was, both Tsubone and Gotoh knew there was no chance left.

And yet there he, coming - no, **running** \- home. They feel joy, Gotoh thinks how happy Madame Kikyo will be while Tsubone is ecstatic to see Killua back.

Both butlers can feel themselves begin to smile and then they actually look.

They stop seeing only the white hair and the blue eyes and they see Killua, his face covered in tears, a spot of red on top of his hair, staining the pure white, the young master’s clothes are drenched in red - in blood - their minds supply and then they see what was seemingly invisible to them until now.

Illumi Zoldyck.

The young man’s being held tightly by Killua, no, he’s being held desperately, like Killua would rather have his arms ripped off than let go of his brother…

The blood covering Killua from head to toe isn’t his, both butlers think.

Thank god it isn’t his. 

Their minds continue and as soon as that thought occurs their hearts ache, they don’t want to think of it, of how their minds completely ignored Illumi’s presence and they did so many times in the past.

They run to Killua and that is when they notice.

Illumi isn’t breathing, his complexion even paler, no sign of life.

Oh.

  
  
  


_Past_

_Tsubone watches Illumi as he toddles around the playground, chasing a butterfly. The tiny child is hugging a big bear close to his chest, the toy almost the same size as him, but that’s nothing impressive, Tsubone thinks, he’s seen kittens bigger than young Illumi Zoldyck._

_He looks exactly like his mother, but for those big eyes, those eyes unnerve the elder butler. They’re too big, they stare too much, Tsubone knows this is a child, but she can’t shake the feeling that those eyes understand much more than they should._

_Something is wrong with him._

_Master Zeno makes sure to call the child empty-headed at every opportunity, she’s not sure if he does it out of fondness, but Madame Kikyo always shrieks her lungs out and Master Silva shakes his head, resigned._

_Illumi is still not speaking, the few words he says, mama and papa as he trails after his parents with his little arms stretched out in need._

_Illumi Zoldyck is a strange child, he spends hours staring at bugs and picking up pretty rocks. His mother dresses him up, keeps his hair long and brushes it whenever she can, but Tsubone has seen her get into one of her moods. There were countless times where she’s seen Madame Kikyo gently brushing her son’s hair and then just like a switch was flipped she’d sink her nails into the child’s head and pull._

_“Do you love me, Illu-chan?” Tsubone hates Madame Kikyo’s voice._

_The tiny head would move up and down, no sound, eyes still wide and blank._

_Tsubone would turn around and excuse herself._

_There’s a tug on her coat and when she glances down she sees Illumi looking up at her with those black pits that are supposed to be his eyes. He holds up his hand, a tiny butterfly sitting on it._

_“...gift…”_

_A gift? For her?_

_“ILLUMI!” Kikyo’s screech breaks the silence and almost as if in a trance Illumi closes his hand around the butterfly and lowers it to his side._

_Mamade Kikyo storms over, killing intent filling the air in that obnoxious manner of hers._

_Illumi looks down._

_“Where have you been?! I looked all over for you! Do you hate your mother that much, huh?! Do you hate seeing me?!” Kikyo breathes heavily, her nails already sunk too deep into Illumi’s frail shoulders._

_“ANSWER ME!” She shakes him and it's a miracle he doesn’t break, Tsubone thinks and wonders if he ever will._

_He does, but step by step, quietly, when no one watches._

_That is how Illumi Zoldyck_ ~~_breaks_~~ _works._

_As per her usual fits of mania Kikyo soon succumbs into loud sobs and wails before running back inside the manor, Gotoh is probably soon to follow and comfort her, of course._

_Little Illumi stays there frozen and after a moment or two he holds his clenched fist up again, opens it and stares at the once beautiful butterfly that now lays crushed right before his eyes._

_The butterfly’s eyes remind her of those of Illumi._

_Tears gather in those large eyes of his and he holds the butterfly up to Tsubone again._

_“...fix?” He asks, no, he pleads. This little child that is surrounded by death, but barely understands it. This boy that still has a room full of toys, but drinks his tea with poison._

_“It’s dead. Go to your room, Master Illumi.” She says sternly and turns her back._

  
  
  


Present

Killua falls to his knees in front of Tsubone and Gotoh, holding onto his brother and sobbing.

“Help me, please…” He looks up at the with the eyes of a child, not a killer, not an heir, but a child, a brother.

“Fix him, please?.” Killua asks, no, **he pleads** , and Tsubone falls to her knees thinking how cruel fate can be.

Illumi’s eyes remind her of those of butterflies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go killua reached home
> 
> now it's time for more people to discover what happened to loomi :3


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so still no idea why im updating this so much but like I'm having a lot of fun so ill do it while i can :3

Gotoh is frozen, he can’t move, can’t think, it’s as if his head is filled with cotton balls and all he can hear is static. Should he consider that mercy? After all, he cannot hear Killua’s cries.

The shrill sound of a phone ringing jostles Gotoh from his stupor and he turns around sharply.

“Tsubone, get them inside. I shall go and inform Master Silva and Madam Kikyo.”

The sound of some incredibly explicit, trashy song slowly fades in the background as he walks away. Strangely the energetic melody somehow leaves Gotoh with a foreboding sense of dread, he suspects who that might be, but doesn’t wish to think of it.

He makes his way inside the manor, he needs to bring the news to his masters.

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ The key to being a Zoldyck butler is to always think ahead and be on your guard, Gotoh knows all of this very well, this is why he has lived so long, why Madam Kikyo trusts him most. It’s also the reason why Gotoh sometimes checks on the camera feed to look over the property and make sure everything is going on accordingly. _

_ He doesn’t always do it, the permanent surveillance is not used much, at least not to see current events. There’s not much to see on it anyway, the cameras are placed all over the property and inside the mansion in almost all rooms, including the children’s, but excluding the rooms of Zeno, Silva and Kikyo. _

_ As Gotoh takes a seat and does his usual check-up he expects to see the regular. Milluki is either in his room doing who knows what on his many computers and gorging himself on food. Kalluto is usually with Madam Kikyo, following her like a small shadow somehow similar to what Illumi used to do when he was young, less so than Kalluto, but still always close to his mother. _

_ Alluka is always in her room for everyone’s safety and Killua can be found everywhere around the property, even in Alluka’s room. He doesn’t seem to have any routine or preferred spot, from his father’s side to the playground, Gotoh has seen Killua everywhere. _

_ Illumi is a strange mixture of all of his siblings, or maybe all of the younger siblings present certain quirks of Illumi. Milluki’s self-isolation, Killua’s chaotic nature, Alluka’s strange combination of deathly danger and childishness and Kalluto’s obsession with family. _

_ Half the time Gotoh isn’t even sure if Illumi is home, sometimes he will just move through the camera feeds and then notice a lump of blankets on Illumi’s bed with a few locks of black hair peeking out, sometimes he’ll find the eldest Zoldyck child in the forest with Mike, it’s strange how he and the beast seem to understand each other. _

_ Gotoh doesn’t expect to find Illumi on the property today, but then he does. _

_ He pauses and squints, something isn’t right. _

_ Gotoh switches to another camera to get a closer look and sure enough, Illumi isn’t alone. _

_ A strange pair, Gotoh thinks as he looks at what seems to be a man in a jester’s outfit, complete with face paint and obnoxiously pink hair. The jester is standing close to Illumi...weirdly close, it looks like he is whispering something and Gotoh is not sure, but Illumi’s cheeks look flushed. _

_ The jester’s hands move, one up to delicately tuck a strand of hair behind Illumi’s ear, the other down to wrap around his waist, all with a grin on his face. Gotoh for maybe the first time in his career is frozen in shock but still wonders if the clown knows how precious of a thing he has the honour of touching. _

_ This garish rainbow of a man can’t be… _

_ Can he? _

_ Gotoh has witnessed Illumi growth, he has been there since the boy was born and his endless loyalty to Kikyo also extends into care for the children that took more after her.  _

_ He can’t help but feel a bit protective of the boy, while Illumi is a genius when it comes to strategy, to assassination and everything else related to the good of the family it’s easy to see he’s completely hopeless when it comes to human interaction. His social skills are awkward at best and horrific at worst. _

_ Illumi leans up and Gotoh’s jaw drops when the eldest Zoldyck son places a small kiss on the other man’s lips. The jester’s arms circle Illumi’s waist and pull him closer, obnoxious grin gone and replaced with a soft and gentle gaze. _

_ Gotoh has seen Master Silva look at Madam Kikyo that way a few times. _

_ This time the jester leans in for a kiss and they continue that way for a while, just delicate pecks, brief touches and tender looks. It’s so sickeningly sweet Gotoh doesn’t know what to do with it. _

_ Should he report this? He knows Silva wouldn’t have a kind response to this kind of thing, Kikyo even less, the mere thought of someone taking away her precious children would send her in a terrifying rage. _

_ There is no danger though, Gotoh thinks, checking the surveillance is not part of his job, no one knows he does it and he never saw anything worth reporting to bring attention to. _

_ Illumi looks happy, he’s not smiling, no, Gotoh has seen Illumi’s little smiles when he goes on his long rambles while waving his hands around to explain things with childlike excitement while everyone tunes him out and he knows that is not happiness.  _

_ The other man seems happy as well, Gotoh watches him lean in and rub his nose against Illumi with the same besotted expression and the butler believes this man knows that what he’s holding is very precious, very frail and slightly broken. _

_ He stands up and sighs, looks over the screens one more time and ponders if he should stop checking in on the cameras. _

  
  
  


Present

Gotoh stands close to the door with Tsubone next to him.

The room is completely silent for a moment and then Kikyo shrieks louder than ever before.

Silva and Zeno both stand completely still, unreadable looks in their eyes.

Milluki is finally out of his room, he blinks quickly, maybe trying not to cry, maybe just not believing what he’s seeing.

Kalluto drops his fan and stares.

Killua is looking down.

The same obnoxious song begins playing and Killua grabs it, he squeezes the phone so hard it almost breaks and then he answers.

Gotoh knows who’s calling, Killua does too.

Neither wants this to happen, but it does nonetheless.

“Come to Kukuroo Mountain.” Is all Killua can say before he throws the phone down so hard it breaks and scatters around the room.

Hisoka is coming.

Illumi is dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go folks :3 almost everyone knows now and hisoka is on his way oops
> 
> also if yall wanna come vibe on twitter about shit like hxh, d&d, anime in general or danmei just hit me up 
> 
> my twitter is @Andreea_125


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tiny chapter today! well all my chapters are kinda tiny, I just work better that way, but yeah today's chapter is a small one

This cannot be real, it’s impossible, it’s wrong, there is no way. Kikyo thinks this must be a trick, some puppet of Illumi’s that her poor Killua confused for his brother. It has to be fake, maybe Illumi is trying to teach the children how easy a target can fake their death.

Her baby can’t be gone.

“ILLUMI!” She walks briskly towards her son.

“ILLUMI, GET UP RIGHT NOW!” She shrikes and grabs him by the shoulders. Kikyo feels her nails sinking into her son’s shoulders as she begins shaking him.

“ILLUMI, LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER AND GET UP RIGHT NOW!”  She feels helpless , Kikyo Zoldyck is never helpless, no, never again. Kikyo Zoldyck has power, she has a family and servants, she has money and clothes and food. Her children know how to read and write, they’re beautiful and well behaved and they  **loved** her.

She turns to look at Silva, he needs to do something, fix it somehow. That’s what he does, he fixes things for Kikyo, her broken mind, her ruinous existence, her pitiful dreams.

“DARLING, DO SOMETHING! ILLU-CHAN WON’T GET UP. MAKE HIM GET UP!” She screeches.

She needs to be loud, that’s the only way people hear her, the only way they know she exists. 

Kikyo Zoldyck is not helpless.

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ The moment they place the bundle of purple blankets in Kikyo’s arms all she can think is that he’s too small, he looks too much like her, with pale skin and a little tuft of black hair. She wants to cry, this is all wrong. Kikyo Zoldyck’s child was supposed to have white hair and clear blue eyes. Her child is small, doesn’t make a sound and stares at her with unblinking, black eyes. _

_ It’s all broken and a small part of her - the one she wants to disappear, the one she wants to be forever buried in Meteor City - contemplates putting her hand over the child’s face, ending it quickly before Silva does it himself… _

_ “Kikyo.” _

_ She flinches, she forgot Silva was in the room.  _

_ “Yes, darling?” _

_ “We need to name him.” _

_ Oh, Kikyo freezes, a name...does that mean they’re keeping him? She’s confused, the child came out wrong, she failed, why is Silva...Sometimes she can’t understand her husband, Kikyo can read people with a terrifying accuracy, it kept her alive for many years, but Silva Zoldyck is still so hard to understand sometimes. _

_ He’s strong, stronger than anyone else Kikyo has ever seen and she’s seen so many, killed so many, but this man evades her.  _

_ She feels a hand on her shoulders and looks up to see blue eyes staring into hers and she begins weeping. Her first child is broken and it’s all her fault because she couldn’t keep the dirt of her life away from him and now instead of white hair and blue eyes he looks just like her. _

_ Silva holds her for a few seconds before standing up and leaving, he leaves her when she has her fits, if he wouldn’t they’d get into a fight and that needs to be avoided. _

_ The child doesn’t cry, no matter how hard Kikyo weeps, the child is quiet, but he’s there with her. _

_ “Illumi...yes that’s going to be your name.” She pulls Illumi closer to her chest. _

_ “You’ll love your mother, right, Illu-chan? You won’t leave her.” She keeps babbling at the newborn in her arms. _

_ A tiny hand grabs her finger and Kikyo continues to cry because he’s such a weak, little thing...So many of Kikyo’s features and she just knows he’ll grow to look like her, fragile and pretty like a porcelain doll.  _

_ That’s not how a Zoldyck should look. _

_ It doesn’t matter now, they’ll both just have to try harder to be good. Kikyo will teach Illumi all she knows, show him how to use these features of theirs to survive.  _

_ Her baby will be smart, Kikyo will make sure he is, she will scream until Silva gets him the best teachers if she has to. Little Illumi will know how to read and write perfectly, not like Kikyo who still takes too long to read long words - Silva says it’s just her eyes, but they both know it’s untrue - and his handwriting will be flawless, not like Kikyo’s chicken scratch.  _

_ Yes. _

_ Her little boy will be perfect. _

_ Kikyo will make sure of that. _

_ He won’t be helpless like Kikyo used to be. _

_ A Zoldyck is never helpless. _

  
  
  


Present

Illumi is not waking up.

He resembles so many corpses Kikyo has walked over in Meteor City and she can barely look at him. This is what all her nightmares are made of, her children gone, her beautiful babies leaving her side.

They’re all leaving her now, Alluka taken away by that Thing, Killua with his head full of stupid dreams, her little Kalluto walking away to work with the Spider Troupe. She though Illumi would never leave, she would sooner consider Milluki leaving his room and never returning home to his computers before she would even contemplate Illumi leaving her side.

Her precious first born, Killua is her perfect heir, her gift to the Zoldyck name, but Illumi belongs to her, he’s Kikyo’s flesh and blood and he cannot leave her.

He cannot.

Killua explains what happens in the background, but she can’t hear him. She feels numb, dead just like her child. Why him and not her? A proper mother would have found a way, she would have kept her baby safe.

She failed. 

Years and years of work, countless of successful missions and this is how it ends.

Kikyo is helpless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have so many complicated emotions about the zoldyck family and kikyo is just so much to think about
> 
> hopefully I did alright on this one


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ya so this one turned out a bit longer than I expected heh
> 
> zeno just had a bit more going on apparently, inspiration's weird you never know when it happens

If anyone were to ask Zeno, which they won’t, he’d tell them that in his mind Killua was always the first Zoldyck to die. No, not himself, not Silva or the possessed one, not even that little boy that keeps running off with the spiders. 

Zeno always thought Killua would be the first to die. Yes, the boy has so much potential, such great strength and power, but he’s got a stubborn streak that could rival Milluki in size and he doesn’t know when to stop fighting. 

He has imagined it a few times, enough that he would be prepared for it if it were to happen tomorrow. What Zeno never prepared for is Illumi to be dead. Mistake on his part apparently, because he now looks at the boy’s corpse and thinks it would have been easier to deal with Killua’s death in the family.

Illumi’s death though, he’s not sure how this is going to go. Strange and absentminded as the boy was, Zeno is still aware he’s one of the few things keeping this family together right now. He’s always said Silva has too many children, maybe they should have given up and kept Illumi as the heir from the start and stopped at that. His son, in all his mightiness, is still like a young man smitten with his pretty Meteor City darling.

Kikyo is still shrieking at her son to get up, that woman can delude herself into anything...Zeno sends his son a look and before long Silva walks over to his wife and knocks her out.

Silence.

No one says anything.

Illumi would have been very upset about all of this. Have that dumb little frown on his face, eyes big and blank, looking around the room like a bug, confused because his family isn’t working the way he wants it to work.

Zeno’s tired, he doesn’t want to be here for this and the clown’s sure to arrive soon.

That’s going to be fun.

He sighs and thinks about staying downstairs to give Silva a hand when Illumi’s clown shows up. After all, if Illumi is dead then what’s there to stop Hisoka from going on a suicidal rampage? Zeno wonders how Illumi managed to somehow bewitch two very powerful, known for being uncontrollable and independent, when he’s more doll than person.

Kikyo’s genes. Yes, that must be it. Kalluto has the spider charmed as well.

Zeno closes his eyes for a moment and then starts walking away.

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ Accompanying a little kid on a mission is not how Zeno thought he’d spend his late years. Of course, the kid in question is already a master assassin and could easily complete the mission on his own, but Silva’s been suspicious of something so he sent Zeno to be Illumi’s chaperon. _

_ It doesn’t take Illumi long to find his target and dispose of it, the boy is quick and efficient, you’d think him merciless, but it’s not quite that. It’s more of an absentmindedness, no regard for life, the boy’s mind is as blank as his eyes. Zeno thinks he’s a bit slow, never understanding that no one is paying attention to his weird little rambles, that they’re not interested in whatever bug he found that day. _

_ Somehow, Silva and Kikyo managed to trick the boy into thinking their family is something desirable, something perfect where all the members love and care for each other deeply. Maybe Silva and Kikyo didn’t even do anything, who’s to say a manipulator as powerful as Illumi isn’t able to create his very own perfect reality, Zeno almost feels bad for the boy. _

_ It’s not his job to fix what Silva breaks, they’re both too old for that. Let the boy do as he wants and when he’s nothing, but unusable, broken pieces put him away forever. _

_ “Illu-chan~”  _

_ Zeno’s on his guard immediately, he scoffs internally at himself, too slow this time. _

_ He looks around and sees another boy, must be older than Illumi, he’s bigger, has a mess of bright blue hair - Zeno refuses to believe is natural - and is dressed like a tasteless clown. Oddly enough Zeno finds it entertaining, but he doesn’t have enough time to think about it because he looks at Illumi and... _

_ Huh. _

_ The boy is completely still, not in his usual manner, no, he’s just standing there like a deer in headlights, not looking at anyone. Zeno doesn’t think he’s ever seen Illumi scared, but this might be it. _

_ “Ah? What happened, darling?” The other boy walks, no saunters over to Illumi. “Not even a hug? Did I upset you, Lulu?”  _

_ Zeno raises an eyebrow and Illumi stays silent. _

_ The clown must have noticed the strange stupor Illumi is in and he looks over the boy’s shoulder, right at Zeno.  _

_ There’s so much bloodlust in those sharp, golden eyes.  _

_ “And who might you be?” He calls out to the boy that’s currently ripping him apart with his eyes. _

_ “Mmm~ Age before beauty!” He smiles, it’s like watching a fox hunting and Zeno wants to kick him in the face and put him in his place. _

_ He likes this kid. _

_ “...grandfather…” Illumi’s voice is but a whisper, meek, frail and fearful. _

_ “Oh? Am I finally meeting the family, Lumi?” He leans closer, places an arm around Illumi’s waist and one over the assassin’s hand. _

_ “Do I get to know who you are now? I can just keep calling you my grandson’s clown.” He shrugs. _

_ The boy’s eyes shine, is it pride? Might be, Zeno can’t read him clearly. Illumi is just as hard to read, but where his grandson is just too absent to understand this other boy is too much to understand. _

_ “Magician.” He pulls a card from behind Illumi’s ear, a Queen of Hearts. “I’m Illu-chan’s magician.”  _

_ “Fine then,” he shrugs again, “mission’s done. I’m going home.” He nods once at Illumi and turns to walk away. _

_ “Just like that? We barely got to know each other, I always wanted a grandfather.”  _

_ Zeno chuckles, but doesn’t turn around.  _

_ “No reason to stay, Illumi completed the mission, all’s done. Nothing left to do.” _

_ “Really?” Zeno can already picture the clown’s eyebrow raising as he drawls.  _

_ “Really, Illumi can brief his father about what happened on his own. This old man needs his rest.”  _

_ Even with his trained sense of hearing Zeno almost missing the little sigh of relief Illumi lets out, he probably wasn’t even breathing until now. _

_ “Thank you, grandpa~” There it is, that drawl again.The little bastard sounds like he can probably seduce rocks with that voice.  _

_ Probably how he got Illumi this smitten, Zeno thinks, now, if only he could see how Illumi got the clown so besotted. _

_ He’s too old for this shit. _

  
  
  


Present

Zeno really never found out how those two found each other.

Maybe he should have asked, pull Illumi aside for once, ask him about his clown and let him ramble his little head off.

He sighs again, his shoulders feel heavier than usual.

He shouldn’t be alive to see his grandchildren die.

Zeno hopes the clown finally gives him that fight he’s been waiting for. Get it done with before the family falls apart like a house of cards now that Illumi is dead. They’ve all been slacking, leaving everything on those little shoulders at every opportunity. Whatever storm the clown’s bringing to their doorsteps, Zeno's waiting.

He’s tired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there we go, another zoldyck down and another step towards hisoka showing up!
> 
> also I have been contemplating writing and posting a little hisoka/illumi/chrollo threesome and adding it to this as part of the series 
> 
> dunno if it's going to happen, just giving a heads up that I might post some horny times one day :3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alright so before anything i just wanna thank everyone that's been reading this again and also give a special thanks to https://www.tiktok.com/@illumisbuttplug_ because I literally woke up to a friend telling me they found a tiktok of this person sharing my fanfic and ohmygod i couldn't believe 
> 
> all this still feels really weird I gotta say but I love it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another zoldyck finished for now, i really wanted milluki's chapter to be a lot of anger because I kinda see different characters as going through a different stage of grief each
> 
> killua is bargaining 
> 
> kikyo is in denial
> 
> zeno is accepting it
> 
> milluki is anger

All his siblings are so stupid, thinks Milluki.

So, so fucking stupid.

Why do they have to leave home all the time, why can’t they just stay home, god damn it!

It’s Killua’s fault.

The entire family is gathered together in the same room for the first time in who knows how long. Killua finally drags his ass back home and for what? To bring Illumi’s corpse to them? Milluki doesn’t think he’s ever been this angry. It’s not even directed at anyone in particular, it’s just anger at Killua, at his family, at himself.

Illumi’s laying there like a puppet with its strings cut, grandfather already walked away since the bastard would rather ignore all the shit going on in this nightmare of a house than do something about it, mother is hysterical, Kalluto is shrinking in on himself to the point where Milluki thinks he’ll just disappear…

Father doesn’t do anything.

He never does.

And Killua?

He’s crying, crying like he has any right to shed a single tear for Illumi! He’s covered in their older brother’s blood and, oh, Milluki thinks, Illumi would be overjoyed to see Killua like this. 

“Oi, Kil, what happened to him?” He grits his teeth and asks grimly.

His fingers twitch, he wants to go back to his computer, turn on a game and forget this is even happening, but he knows that if he walks away like Zeno, if he ignores this like Silva, he’ll see Illumi’s ghost in every nook and cranny of this house.

Maybe that’s what those two want.

Keep Illumi here forever, even as a ghost, even when he is nothing Illumi Zoldyck is still not free.

“H-he saved me…” Killua whimpers. “I, uh, I should be dead, but...Illu-nii saved me.”

Of course he did.

Of course he did.

Of course he did.

“OF COURSE HE DID!” Milluki can’t stop himself, he’s angry, he wants to be vicious, wants to cut deep into Killua, make him hurt too, hurt the way they all did.

He can’t…

Illumi would hate this, he didn’t like loud noises.

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ “Aniki, come on! You’re not even trying.” Milluki pouts and pauses the game. _

_ It’s been three hours since Illumi showed up at his door and stared at Milluki’s computer screen over his shoulder while asking strange questions. _

_ “Are you having fun?” _

_ “Are you winning?” _

_ “What’s that plant doing?” _

_ “Why don’t you kill that one?” _

_ Milluki really loves his brother, but he’s so weird. It doesn’t matter at the end of the day, they’re still family somehow, all fucked up and completely dysfunctional - Milluki thinks he’s the only one that even realizes this - but they’re family. _

_ So this is why he invites Illumi to sit down and, of course, instead of getting a chair or sitting on the couch or literally anything, his brother sits on the floor. Milluki lets him do whatever he likes and sets up a fighting game for the two of them to play. _

_ It takes him another hour to explain how the controller and the game work to Illumi and then they’re finally playing. _

_ He didn’t think this would be enjoyable, in fact Milluki thought he’d be finding an excuse to kick Illumi out after the first few tries, but he doesn’t. He sits there and plays video games with his brother like they’re regular siblings and Milluki feels happy. _

_ Of course, it’s not entirely normal, Illumi loses every match and he’s still talking as he plays, inane thoughts and questions that Milluki doesn’t really pay attention too, but he answers sometimes and although the younger doesn’t notice as they play - he’ll only notice years later when it’s too late - Illumi seems to glow every time the younger decides to pay attention and give even the smallest answer to a question. _

_ “I still don’t see why you need to fight in such close quarters. It would be much easier to take the target out from above,” he takes a hand off the controller and points at a building in the background, “there for example. I could do this way quicker.” _

_ “It’s a game, you play it for fun, Illu-nii. This isn’t like work.”  _

_ “Oh…” Illumi’s face scrunches up as if it’s hard for him to understand people have other preoccupations in life besides their work, hard to comprehend that other people don’t dedicate their entire existence to their family. _

_ Milluki sighs, but then the annoying sound of the Game Over screen distracts him. Shit, he’s been zoning out, and Illumi beat him. He looks back at his brother who’s smiling. _

_ Smiling smugly, it’s a rare glimpse of true emotion and Milluki wants to keep it all to himself. _

_ “You got distracted at the end.” He stares at Milluki. “You’re very good at this, great reflexes!”  _

_ Milluki’s eyes widened. _

_ He’s getting praise for playing video games. _

_ That’s new, usually all he gets is disapproving looks from father and mom’s complaints that he hides in his room too much, maybe grandpa’ll show up once in a while to call him a name or two. _

_ Illumi never does any of that. He watches and examines and asks his little questions, but he never makes fun of anything. _

_ His brother is always around trying to make their house into a home, trying to make their organization into a family. _

_ Milluki feels bad for him, but he won’t stop it. _

  
  
  


Present

“I can fix it. I’ll fix it…” Killua keeps mumbling while staring at Illumi, trying to convince himself more than anyone else.

“How?! How the hell are you going to fix this Kill?! I know you think you’re better than all of us, but this isn’t getting fixed!”

“A-alluka...I’ll, I’ll get her. She’ll help.”

Milluki scoffs. 

“Fine! Where is she then?”

“I don’t know…”

The only one person in this house that would have been able to stabilize the situation and band them all together is gone and now they have to do it themselves for the very first time.

They’re all so fucking useless. 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok fellas! here i am with a new chapter :3 hope u enjoy~

Not many things can make Hisoka feel worried, but most of them involve Illumi somehow, so of course, he is extremely concerned. Illumi answers Hisoka’s calls on the first ring, it’s been on numerous occasions that the assassin had a pleasant conversation over the phone while also ankle deep in corpses. The couple of times they’ve talked during a fight Hisoka managed to turn it into phone sex and he isn’t ashamed to admit that those phone calls are some of his favorites.

His most favorite phone calls are the sleepy check-ins Illumi sometimes makes, completely unpredictable, at any hour of the day and Hisoka would answer every single one without hesitation. Hearing a groggy Illumi ask him in a tiny voice if plants really like it when you speak to them only to find him talking to Hisoka’s artificial plants the next time he visited endeared the magician to no end.

Now for this call…

Hisoka didn’t like today’s call, not even a little bit. 

First, Illumi didn’t answer, not really uncommon, but the fact that he didn’t send a text back marked the start of a sinking feeling in Hisoka’s stomach.

Secondly, Killua answered the phone, sweet, little Killua talking in a voice so similar to how Illumi sounds when he gets too deep into his own thoughts and convinces himself Killua hates him. 

Lastly, Illumi’s phone doesn’t work anymore, no matter how many times Hisoka tries to call back, it’s useless.

With all this in mind the magician doesn’t waste any more time before heading to Kukuroo Mountain. He doesn’t visit Illumi’s home much, there are many reasons for it, but Hisoka still remembers every visit fondly.

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ It’s on extremely rare occasions that Illumi initiates their dates on his own, but Hisoka is not going to complain, don’t look the gift horse in the mouth and all that. _

_ Here they are, middle of the day, a simple ice cream parlor, Hisoka with his cup of strawberry ice cream covered in sprinkles and Illumi with probably every flavour available, ah, his little darling has such a sweet tooth, Hisoka thinks, good thing he’s a very sweet man ,himself. _

_ He chuckles.  _

_ Illumi tilts his head to the side, his hair is getting so long and Hisoka would love to play with it. _

_ “You’re laughing.” _

_ “I just thought of something funny, Mimi.” _

_ “Oh! I understand, that man behind us is very bad at trying to poison his wife. I noticed him too, but I didn’t want to say.” He looks at Hisoka with such big, proud eyes that the magician melts just a little.  _

_ “Terrible assassination technique. Now, why did you invite me here, honey? Not that I don’t simply adore spending time with you.” Hisoka places his chin on his palms and leans closer. _

_ “Yes, I do have a reason. I need to buy myself new clothes, possibly replace my entire wardrobe and I’d like your help with it.” _

_ Hisoka’s eyes widen, this is only getting better and better! _

_ “I’m not sure where to go and I thought you’d have a better idea.” _

_ He reaches over the table and takes one of Illumi’s hands, he pulls it closer and gives it a small kiss. _

_ “I would be honored, love.” _

_ Hisoka waits for Illumi to finish his ice cream and then leads the way to his favorite clothing shop, they need something with variety for Illumi to finally discover his preferences. _

_ They walk around for a while and Hisoka manages to get a hold of Illumi’s hand, they probably look like an almost regular couple right now and Hisoka isn’t sure if he likes it or if he wants to make sure people know there’s nothing regular about them. _

_ It doesn’t take long for him to notice a few things. Illumi’s eyes keep slowly drifting to the women’s section, he keeps glancing at flowy skirts, dresses and tops and he keeps touching the thigh highs that are placed on mannequins for display. _

_ So many soft things. _

_ “Illu~” He calls out, “I have a little idea~”  _

_ “What is it?” Illumi puts a finger to his chin and tilts his head. _

_ What a curious little dove Hisoka has. _

_ He doesn’t say anything else, he just takes Illumi by the hand and walks him to the other section, grabs a handful of the things Illumi kept his eyes on and then heards the assassin to the changing room. _

_ “Hisoka, these aren’t boy clothes.” _

_ “Those are Illumi clothes, darling. Now go try them on for me!”  _

_ Hisoka shoves him in the changing booth and leans on the door, humming.  _

_ “You’re not allowed to come out until you’ve put a whole new outfit on~”  _

_ It takes a while, but Illumi finally comes out of the booth. He put on a cute, pastel green dress that Hisoka saw him looking at many, many times. It has a little flare to it and goes down mid-thigh, revealing a nice bit of Illumi’s beautiful thighs. _

_ Why just a bit?  _

_ Well because Hisoka picked a pair of thigh highs to go with it and if he chose the ones with little clubs and spades who’s to blame him? They’re soft and warm, hugging Illumi’s legs in all the right places. The whole outfit is incredibly adorable and the effect is only enhanced by the way Illumi keeps gently turning and spinning around, touching the material and enjoying the sensation of softness. _

_ “So, how is it?” He hopes that if he starts with something like this it will be easier to introduce Illumi to some more...daring pieces of clothing let’s say. _

_ “It would be very inconvenient in a fight.” He pouts, grip tightening on the hem of the dress. _

_ “Let’s not worry about this now, Illu~ How about I show you a few more things, you pick up a few without thinking about working in them and then we’ll look for something pretty for you to kill people in..”  _

_ He takes Illumi by the hand and spins him around, the dress lifts up just slightly and Hisoka gets a peak at the underwear he picked for Illumi.  _

_ What a happy day. _

_ “I’m sure you can do your job in this too, right?” _

_ “I guess you’re right. Fine, we’ll do this.” _

_ “Perfect, darling!” _

_ Their little shopping trip goes on swimmingly, Hisoka gets to see Illumi model for him, Illumi gets his functional assassin clothes and they both agree that Illumi looks best in cool tones. Hisoka might have sneaked a pair of heels with Illumi’s cute flats.Purple looked especially beautiful on him, one of the assassination outfits, a pretty blouse, tight pants and a vest that Hisoka is in love with. _

  
  
  


Present

The sinking feeling in Hisoka’s stomach doesn’t let up, not when he dresses to leave, not when he glances at Illumi’s favorite blanket, laying on their bed, or his favorite dress on a hanger, no, Hisoka can’t shake off a bad feeling.

There’s something terrible in the air, a big change coming.

As much as Hisoka loves chaos, a challenge, something to shake up the norm…

He doesn’t like this one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another little tiny bit of hisoka to feed u guys until he arrives to the manor
> 
> we still have 2 zoldycks to go through!
> 
> anyway love u guys and I just gotta say I appreciate all of this so much and this is so much fun to write


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i return :3
> 
> hehehe the holydays are coming, a whole new year and more chapters to come

A Zoldyck doesn’t cry.

A Zoldyck doesn’t cry.

A Zoldyck doesn’t cry.

Kalluto has been holding his breath for the past five minutes and he knows that if he’ll breathe he’ll break and scatter all over mother’s precious floors and disturb father.

He doesn’t want to disturb father.

All he wants to do is curl up in a ball, hide away forever or maybe just lay down next to Illumi and sleep. Just go to sleep forever and get away from this, all of this. Killua is home, if that counts for anything…Once, Kalluto would have said that would count for everything, but now, as he looks at his older brother’s body and at Killua’s tear streaked face, he wishes his brother never came home.

This isn’t how Kalluto wanted him home.

Why did Illumi bring him home like this?

Death doesn’t bother Kalluto, not even a little bit, he enjoys it, really. Watching his prey squirm as they realize there’s no escape, seeing the look of helplessness in their eyes, being the stronger fighter, Kalluto loves the feeling.    
  
Being weak is what scares him, it sends cold shivers down his spine and makes his entire body freeze. He admires his family, they’re all so incredibly good at what they do…

...and then there’s Kalluto.

He’s not a flawless assassin the way Illumi is, quick and efficient, the strongest Manipulator Kalluto has ever seen.

He’s not a genius in technology like Milluki, who can eliminate his targets without even leaving his bedroom.

He’s not perfect, he doesn’t have blue eyes and white hair, he doesn’t look like father the way Killua does. Kalluto doesn’t really look like anyone, he’s an outlier. There is no white hair or blue eyes, nor deep, black pits of despair. 

His eyes are pink and he has an ugly mole and it’s all wrong.

He’s not Alluka.

Killua doesn’t love him.

No one loves Kalluto.

Except...

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ Kalluto sits alone in his room, not uncommon, most of his days are spent either away from the house on missions for his family or the Phantom Troupe or alone in his room, on some occasions he follows his mother around like an obedient doll to remind her that she still has children at home. _

_ It always ends with her speaking of Killua’s eventual return home to take his rightful place and be the heir to the Zoldyck name. _

_ She curses that thing that took her son away and complains about father not doing anything to bring Killua back. _

_ Kalluto knows this routine by heart. _

_ He wants Killua home as well, he wants to be strong, to be whatever Alluka is, anything to make Killua even glance in his direction. _

_ A knock on the door breaks Kalluto out of his train of thought. _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “Kalluto-kun?” Illumi’s distinctive voice calls out, he sounds cheerful, but Kalluto has rarely heard Illumi sound like anything else. _

_ “Come in, Illu-nii!” Kalluto quickly adjusts his kimono, fixes his hair and rights his bedsheets.  _

_ The door opens and Illumi walks inside, big smile on his face, eyes wide as always, hands behind his back. _

_ Kalluto blinks and tilts his head to the side. _

_ Illumi mirrors him, hands still hidden.  _ _   
_ _   
_ _ “I got something for us from my last mission.” He pulls out two boxes from behind his back and places them on the bed, slowly starting to unpack one. _

_ Kalluto blinks a couple of times and begins to automatically unpack his present. He’s not sure what this means, maybe it’s a test, he needs to keep his eyes open, probably use Gyo to make sure everythi- _

_ He stares at the contains of the box. _

_ There’s a paper fan, it’s dark purple, made to look like the night sky and it’s peppered with bright yellow stars. Underneath the fan there’s a kimono that’s been made to match with the starry night design of the fan, it’s so soft to the touch and clearly expensive. _

_ Must have been made with great care, custom made...with love. _

_ Kalluto chokes up and repeats his mantra of Zoldycks do not cry in his head. He can’t do this, not in front of Illumi, no, he can’t embarrass himself that wa- _

_ He sobs, he whimpers and tears spill over when he looks up to look at Illumi. _

_ His eldest brother, his teacher, his idol is sitting there, holding up a set of new needles and a kimono of his own...all matching Kalluto’s. _

_ “A-aniki…” He whimpers and quickly attempts to wipe his tears away before he shames himself further.  _

_ Illumi frowns, he looks confused. _

_ “Do you not like them?” He looks over both kimonos, glaring at them as if they’ve wronged him personally. “I thought they were pretty, but I’ll throw them away.”  _

_ He probably gets up to do just that, but Kalluto feels as if his greatest joy is in the process of being ripped away from him. _

_ “NO!” He desperately grabs onto the kimono. “I love it, Illu-nii...It’s the prettiest, t-thank you…” _

_ “But you were crying…” He tilts his head to the side. _

_ “Happy tears, I really like it. It’s the best gift ever…” Kalluto looks down sheepishly and fidgets. _

_ There’s a small clap. _

_ “Good then! Let’s get dressed.” _

_ Once again, Kalluto is completely taken by surprise.  _

_ He’s happy, so happy, just sitting in his room with his brother, dressed in their matching kimonos and doing each other’s hair. It’s surreal, Illumi is terrible with hair and he gets distracted easily, launching himself into stories and forgetting all about Kalluto’s hair. _

_ Kalluto couldn’t care less about his hair. _

_ All he cares about is this moment. _

  
  
  


Present

His face is wet, but he doesn’t care.

This Zoldyck cries and it doesn’t even matter. No one will punish or shame him, there will be no scolding from mother or disapproving look from father because they don’t see Kalluto.

He cries because the only person that could see him is already dead.

Maybe he’ll take the offer of staying with the Phantom Troupe permanently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more zoldyck down, another to go :3
> 
> i absolutely adore kalluto he's amazing and i do think he's being kinda ignored so imma make it better


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back again to bring u the angst content you didn't really want or need but imma give it to you anyway :3

Silva moves automatically, one foot in front of the other until he stands in front of Killua.

“Go to your room. We’ll speak of this in the morning.”

He kneels down and picks up Illumi’s body. 

His eldest has always been cold, light and delicate, but now he’s freezing, but he feels so much heavier in Silva’s arms, almost too heavy and Silva wonders how Killua managed to carry him home.

It doesn’t matter, not now. 

Now they all need to leave this situation and regroup later.

Silva holds his eldest son in his arms for the first time in years and walks away.

Illumi’s hair lays limp, soaked in blood to the point where it became tangled and crusty. A complete change from Illumi’s usual silky waterfall of inky, black hair.

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ “What’s that?” A pudgy hand with tiny fingers points in the direction of one of the many beast trophies that decorate Silva’s office. _

_ “It looks like a kitty, look! There are whiskers and a kitty nose and pointy ears...It’s a big kitty. Papa, what does it eat? Do you feed the big kitty? Can I feed it too?” _

_ “Illumi…” Silva sighs, his son just started talking recently, extremely late for his age, but better late than never.  _

_ Well, maybe at first both him and Kikyo were happy to see that their first child wasn’t a mute, but currently, as the little boy keeps talking his ear off and asking every question that comes to mind... _

_ This isn’t what Silva expected, but nonetheless, he now has a very clingy child asking him about feeding the taxidermied animals in his office. _

_ There’s a tug on his leg. _

_ “Papa, can you do my hair?” Huge eyes blink up at him.  _

_ He’s like a tiny copy of Kikyo with his long hair, small frame and delicate features. The part of Silva’s brain that is completely dedicated to the family business sees this as a good thing, appearances can deceive and no one would expect a child-like Illumi to be the ruthless assassin he is. The father part of Silva’s brain dreads the day Illumi grows up into something as beautiful and deadly as Kikyo. _

_ “Mama can’t do it today. She does it usually, but she doesn’t want to come out of her room and since I’m staying with papa today that means papa should do what mama does.” The little boy keeps explaining. _

_ “Alright...fine, go get your things.”  _

_ With a quick nod, Illumi dashes out of the room.  _

_ Illumi’s training is going well, the boy learns fast and takes to it like a fish to water. His steps are completely silent and he moves fast enough that a regular person wouldn’t even be able to see him move. _

_ He’s back before Silva finishes his train of thought, a brush, hair clips and ties in hand. Silva is ashamed to say that he has no idea how some of them work, but Illumi leaves them to the side and holds the brush up to him. _

_ “Mama always brushes my hair and sometimes she lets me brush hers, but not always, sometimes she’s upset and I can tell because her fan stays closed and she speaks strangely.” _

_ Silva is familiar with his wife's moods, the way of speaking that Illumi finds strange is just Kikyo’s natural accent. The one both her and Silva decided should be left behind in the Meteor City slums. _

_ He takes the brush and Illumi crawls into his lap, so clingy, unfit for an assassin, but a pat on the head and a promise to let him sleep in bed with his parents will encourage Illumi to flawlessly complete even the hardest of missions.  _

_ They’ll still have to deal with it soon. _

_ He starts brushing Illumi’s hair, inky black and silky just like Kikyo’s, it’s getting long and for a moment Silva considers having Illumi’s hair cut. He’s too young, the length of his hair could easily be used against him. Silva only let his hair grow later in life when he was more than sure it wouldn’t be a weakness.  _

_ The thought of cutting Illumi’s hair doesn’t last long though, he’s not sure why. He’d rather not think about it. _

_ Illumi continues to point at every piece of decoration and furniture in Silva’s office and ask his little questions. It’s peaceful and for a brief moment, Silva lets his guard down. _

_ “Oh!” Illumi exclaims out of nowhere and claps his hands. “Can I brush papa’s hair?”  _

_ Not many things surprise or leave Silva Zoldyck speechless, but apparently both his wife and son share a talent for it. _

_ He finishes brushing Ilumi’s hair and begins struggling to braid it, hair is not Silva’s area of expertise, not even a little bit so of course, the braid is nowhere near the intricate ones Kikyo does. _

_ Silva considers getting better at this, maybe one-day Illumi comes to him again asking to be pampered this way, maybe Silva will indulge again. _

_ The rest of the morning passes swiftly, with Illumi sitting on a chair to brush Silva’s hair. The mediocre braid swinging back and forth as the little boy moves and Illumi seems happy with it. _

_ Silva will make it better next time. _

  
  
  


Present 

He sits in the dark, Illumi laid out on a table beside him while he waits for Tsubone and Gotoh to arrive and take care of the cleaning.

Silva doesn’t realize until the moment the butlers arrive that he absentmindedly braided a small portion of Illumi’s hair.

This time it’s perfect. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> papa has arrive and with him we complete the zoldycks! 
> 
> don't worry most of them will probably have flashbacks again and if you'd like to see any specific moments in flashbacks feel free to leave any suggestions! 
> 
> this fic is like a series of one shots with a very loose plot thread so I'm just doing self indulgent stuff


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright fellas the moment we've all been waiting for :3
> 
> i know there was probably no way to live up to expectations but here u go ;__;

It takes Hisoka an entire day to make his way to Kukuroo Mountain and he’s sure he must have broken at least a few speed records while doing so. He can’t be blamed, this entire situation makes him anxious. Killua barely stands being in the same room with Hisoka. Why would he answer Illumi’s phone and invite him to their family’s home? Why is the phone disconnected? 

There are no tourists at the gates today ‘Good’ Hisoka thinks as he pushes open the gates and enters the estate. People generally think the Testing Gates that separate the Zoldycks from the rest of the world are for protection, to keep people out, but they couldn’t be more wrong.

The Testing Gates are exactly what the name says. 

A test to see if one is worthy of stepping on the property of the Zoldyck family.

Many years ago Hisoka spent an entire month begging Illumi to take him to Kukuroo Mountain. The assassin only agreed to bring Hisoka in if he was capable of opening all of the Testing Gates.

Hisoka did.

He does it again today, but there’s no Illumi at his side, watching silently as he pushes open the gates. No, this time there is only Hisoka and his spiraling thoughts.

Maybe Illumi’s hurt? No. 

What if he’s sick? No.

Dead…

With a deep breath Hisoka pulls his hand out of the Testing Gate he just destroyed. He waits for Mike to sniff him out and come greet him. Illumi’s massive hound, much like his owner, likes Hisoka. The magician has joked many times that they’re almost a normal couple with their cute dog and all they’re missing is a handful of kids.

His darling gets very excited at those jokes. Hisoka is aware Illumi loves his large family and an even bigger one would only make him happier. 

One day.

One day, he repeats to himself as he makes his way through the forest, still no sign of Mike, not even a butler in sight. A shame, Hisoka would have loved to ask them a few questions.

By the time Hisoka arrives at the manor, there is still no sight of anyone, the silence is deafening, the place looks recently abandoned, but Hisoka knows the place is not empty. He can sense the people, just behind those walls…

He can’t sense Illumi.

Why can’t he sense Illumi?

A small shape slams into him and clings.

There’s a tiny whimper and Hisoka finally looks down.

Little Kalluto is just holding on to him, knuckles white and trembling.

“Where’s Illumi?” He barely recognizes his own voice. It feels...brittle, weak...vulnerable.

Kalluto gives him a tiny nod, the boy’s eyes are red, the mischievous pink Hisoka remembers fondly is devoid of any light. 

As he follows the boy a tiny part of Hisoka’s mind thinks of a better way to confirm his suspicions. Reach out and snap Kalluto’s neck, leave Kukuroo Mountain and never return, wait for Illumi to come kill him or never see Illumi again and have his fears confirmed. 

The little Zoldyck moves like a ghost, he’s not there completely, Hisoka could easily kill him and Kalluto would be gone before he knew it. Illumi would be disappointed, he assured Hisoka many times that all his siblings would be able to at least avoid one of Hisoka’s attacks if he were to try and harm them. 

The magician was filled with joy at the thought that Illumi made sure to include him in the way he trained his beloved family.

Kalluto brings him to a different building and takes him inside.

Hisoka freezes.

There’s a casket.

A coffin right at the end of this room.

No.

It can’t be.

Can it?

He pushes past Kalluto and marches to the coffin at the end of the room. 

It’s a twisted image of a walk to the altar that Hisoka has pictured in his head on many occasions. 

Their little fairytale.

His Snow White is waiting for him.

His Sleeping Beauty.

As he reaches the coffin and looks inside it his mind goes blank. There’s a thud behind him, the sound of a body hitting the floor, probably Kalluto. The boy is too young to be able to withstand Hisoka’s killing intent right now.

He’s not sure how much time passes before other people arrive. The rest of the Zoldycks, the lazy pigs that Hisoka is now free to do with as he pleases. 

No coffins for them. 

Hisoka will make sure there’s nothing left.

He’ll raze this mountain off the face of the earth, he’ll paint it all red and then crawl in that coffin with his heart and stay with him forever.

Their very own little honeymoon.

Wouldn’t that be lovely, Illumi?

Hisoka takes a deep breath and turns to face his darling in-laws. 

Milluki and Kikyo are missing, Kalluto is unconscious. It’s better that way, they look too much like Illumi, better that Hisoka works himself up into a frenzy before finishing them off. That means he’s left with Zeno, Silva and Killua. Hisoka prepares his cards, body almost on auto-pilot, numb to anything else, but determined to have one last fight.

Zeno steps in front of him and Hisoka attacks. 

Their fight begins immediately after, both more concerned with landing as many hits on the other than with protecting themselves or avoiding the destruction of the building they’re in. If Hisoka wasn’t too far gone he’d read more into the old man’s fighting style, he'd wonder why he’s doing what he’s doing. 

Maybe they’re both trying to get killed in the end, maybe they want to bring the building down on top of them, maybe they’re both tired and desperate and too far gone to care.

“WE CAN BRING HIM BACK!” Killua shouts desperately and Hisoka stumbles.

Zeno broke most of his ribs, there’s a bone poking out of the skin of his leg and both his arms bend at awkward angles. Hisoka can barely feel any of that, all he feels is a tiny sliver of hope.

He uses his Bungee Gum to knock Zeno back into a wall.

“Bring him back?” He breathes raggedly and takes a step towards Killua.

The boy gulps and nods. He’s afraid, it’s understandable seeing the current situation they’re in.

“How?” Hisoka hisses, he knows he must sound unhinged, but he doesn’t care enough to put himself back together. He should pass out soon anyway, blood loss and the lack of adrenaline to keep him running. 

“We have to find Alluka…I’ll, I’ll ask her like I did before.”

At those words Hisoka nods again and tension leaves his body. He slowly turns around and makes his way back to the coffin, no one stops him, no one says another word. Zeno already let himself pass out and Hisoka counts that as a win. Killua picks Kalluto up, maybe finally realizing he’s got another brother he might lose. Silva is as stone-faced as ever and Hisoka almost turns around to spit at him.

When he reaches the coffin he bends down and places his forehead against Illumi’s.

Cold.

He blacks out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaand that was it all the zoldycks know, hisoka knows and we know illumi's dead ;__;
> 
> now to get started on brining our baby back :3
> 
> and again if any of u guys wanna hang out on twitter u can find me @Andreea_125


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another quick lil chapter for u guys! literally there's no method to this madness so im very sorry for being all over the place with everything :3

Hisoka jerks up in bed and frantically looks around the dark bedroom of his apartment. His thoughts are a mess, he’s shaking, sweating profusely and distraught. He feels nauseous when he lifts up his arm to see it completely unharmed. His leg feels fine, he’s not bleeding and he’s home…

Home.

Their home.

Illumi.

A whirlwind of grief hits him again, images of his Illumi stiff and breathless in a box flash through his head and his breath is stuck in his throat. 

He feels a hand touching his shoulder and he almost cuts it off out of sheer panic before a familiar cooing voice calls out to him.

“Hisoka?” 

He turns his head to follow the voice so fast his neck is probably on the brink of snapping. 

Right there, in  _ their  _ bed, under  _ their  _ blankets, blinking up at Hisoka groggily and so adorably grumpy. The sight of Illumi simply laying in bed, tiny mouth shaped in a pout, nose wrinkled and eyes staring into hi-

“I’m going back to sleep. I leave early tomorrow.” The assassin turns his back to Hisoka and snuggles under his pile of blankets.

Hisoka reaches out immediately and stops him, whatever that terrible nightmare was, it left him in pieces. He’s not sure he ever felt this empty, this desperate to make sure Illumi is with him. Fortunately the assassin doesn’t stop him when Hisoka pulls him close and pushes himself further down the bed until his head is right next to Illumi’s chest.

“You’re being weird…” Illumi says simply, but that doesn’t stop him from wrapping his arms around Hisoka and cuddling closer.

“Terrible, terrible dream, darling. Don’t mind me.” He mumbles into Illumi’s chest and lets out a relieved breath.

There’s a steady heartbeat right under his ear and Hisoka has never heard anything better.

“What did you dream about?” His curious little darling asks.

For a brief moment Hisoka thinks about telling Illumi the truth. He thinks about pouring out his heart to Illumi - it’s not as if Hisoka hasn’t already handed his heart to Illumi long ago - telling him all about how lost Hisoka felt, how loneliness devoured him the moment he looked at that unworthy coffin holding Illumi’s precious body.

Hisoka alone is the one that should hold Illumi.

Dead or alive.

“All my favorite make-up was gone, darling,” he sighs dramatically, sounding as pitiful as possible and pouting, “my poor heart could barely take it.”

He can’t talk about it.

Hisoka was never one to dwell on the past. Yes, that past might have taken place just minutes ago, but he’d rather listen to Chrollo’s too long pretentious speeches than ever think of that dream again. It doesn’t deserve to be remembered, there was nothing fun to it, nothing powerful, just empty sadness and helplessness.

At the very least he could have been there when Illumi died, but no, he didn’t even get to see his beloved’s last moments and- He’s getting heated again. He needs to stop.

“Any interesting dreams lately, Lulu?”

“Mn?” 

“Don’t go back to sleep yet, love,” he whines, “Tell me what you dream about.”

“We were having dinner with my family. There’s a small building separated from the manor, we don’t use it much, but it was my favorite place when I was little. It looks like a chapel, I’m not sure why it’s there, but that’s where we were having dinner together.” 

Hisoka sighs happily as Illumi starts his recounting of his dream. 

“Everyone was home, Killua and Alluka too. Mother thought you were very charming and father said you were strong. Grandfather liked your jokes.” 

He chuckles. “Good to know the in-laws approve of me, Lumi.”

“It was a very nice dinner, we don’t eat together much anymore.” His darling sounds sad and Hisoka feels both anger and fondness.

“How about we wrangle all of them together for the wedding, darling? I’ll wrap them up tight for you so no one misses it.” Hisoka says and he means it, he’ll drag each and every one of the Zoldycks back home and make sure they give Illumi the loveliest family gathering he’s ever witnessed.

“I like that. Thank you, Hisoka.”

“Anything for you, Mimi.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, darling.”

Everything feels so much lighter and finally Hisoka feels like he’s able to go back to sleep, but just as he’s about to nod off Illumi’s voice calls out again.

“Hisoka…”

“Yes, love?”

“I’m sorry.”

Something’s not right.

Hisoka sits up in bed to look at Illumi and he freezes.

“I’m sorry I won’t be there for the family gathering.”

Illumi’s eyes are milky white.

Dead.

His skin is grey.

_ Dead. _

There’s blood everywhere.

**Dead.**

“Can you take care of them for me, Hisoka?”

The corpse of his lover moves, it’s too stiff, too uncoordinated and clumsy to be Illumi. There’s no grace to the movements, no silent elegance, just a shambling puppet cornering Hisoka. 

The magician pushes himself off the bed and falls on his back with a thud. He’s terrified, his legs are numb and there’s nothing he can do. Hisoka feels like a child and he has no idea how to put an end to it.

~~ Illumi ~~ The Corpse keeps moving towards him, one clumsy step at a time and just as it reaches him and leans down, noses touching and eyes staring into each other.

Hisoka wakes up.

He’s wrapped up in bandages in some bland, poorly furnished room that he recognises as part of the Zoldyck manor. All his wounds match with the ones he got from fighting Zeno in his dream…

Not a dream then. 

He lays back on the bed, heart racing and with a knot in his stomach.

Fuck dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaaaaand another Sad Hisoka chapter
> 
> im really just being mean to him at this point but hey! it's entertaining right? 
> 
> love yall :3


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ah shit here we go again :3 
> 
> back with another chapter

With shaky steps and a knot in his stomach Kalluto makes his way to the infirmary room where they placed Hisoka while they spoke about Killua’s plan… Plan is putting it nicely, of course, it’s more of an idea, a desperate little shard of hope that Killua is clinging too. Kalluto isn’t sure how he feels about it, the way Killua threw himself into fixing this, the way he became so dedicated to bringing their brother back.

Maybe Killua and Kalluto do have something in common after all.

Illumi taught all of them to value family above everything else, Killua might have tried to revolt against it and leave it behind, but it’s an impossible task. The petty part of Kalluto is happy that Killua has to go through the same thing he did, but that part of him is hidden away behind so much hopelessness.

Silva sent him to check on Hisoka.

In Kalluto’s mind that just means Silva thinks him dispensable. The one they could throw at Hisoka as a way to thwart his bloodlust without taking that much of a loss for the family. Illumi was a considerable loss and if another family member died the news would spread fast and create trouble.

If Kalluto died…

Hisoka wouldn’t harm him, he’s sure of it.

His hand shakes when he touches the handle.

He would, right?

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ Kalluto is not angry, no, not even a little bit. He feels absolutely fine because the mission went well and Kalluto performed exemplary. Alright, he might have played with his target for longer than needed, but it’s not like he was admonished for it! _

_ “Another day, another successful mission~ Right, Kalluto?”  _

_ Kalluto is angry. _

_ Well...maybe not angry, more annoyed and maybe a bit embarrassed. _

_ Kalluto has been looking forward to this mission ever since Illumi informed him that he will come along to observe and grade his abilities. This was supposed to be his opportunity, he was going to show his older brother how much he’s been working and training. This was supposed to be his chance to make his brother proud. _

_ And then the clown showed up instead. _

_ The magician appeared out of nowhere at the meeting place and simply told Kalluto that Illumi wasn’t able to come, no explanation given, nothing. He just kept grinning, looking at Kalluto like a fox at a chicken and refused to explain any further. The boy now understands why the Phantom Troupe always sneers when they mention Hisoka. _

_ Kalluto still did his job, made sure everything was flawless and clean while also trying to ignore Hisoka’s constant words of admiration. If the tips of his ears are slightly red by the time he’s done that’s no one’s business. _

_ Hisoka leads him back to a penthouse, it’s a beautiful place, meticulously decorated and cozy.  _

_ “Why did you bring me here?”  _

_ “Shhh~ I thought you’d like to see your brother.” The man shushes Kalluto and whispers. _

_ The boy frowns, but follows Hisoka when he gestures for him to come to another room. When they enter Kalluto needs a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, all lights turned off and windows completely covered. There is the faintest shape of a lump on the bed and the whole thing only makes Kalluto even more confused. _

_ Hisoka hums and strolls to the side of the bed where he lights a little lamp making the lump even more obvious. He sits down on the edge of the bed and gently touches the pile of blankets. _

_ “Mimi~ Guess who came to visit, darling?” He pulls on the blankets and Kalluto’s eyes widen at the sight of inky, black hair peeking out from underneath. _

_ There’s a scratchy grumble coming from beneath the blankets and Hisoka looks over at Kalluto and smiles. _

_ “Sadly, my Mimi came down with a bit of a cold and I had to put him to bed~ He insisted I come watch over you in his stead though.” Hisoka chuckles. “What a thoughtful little darling.” _

_ Kalluto blinks. _

_ Illumi’s just sick, he didn’t wash his hands off Kalluto and passed him over to Hisoka.  _

_ “Come on now!” The magician stands up and grins. “Why don’t I teach you how to make Illu’s favorite drink.” _

_ Kalluto stands frozen in place for a few more moments before he quickly follows after Hisoka.  _

_ The kitchen is large and there are plates and mugs in the sink and Hisoka moves around the place with a calm familiarity. Clearly this place is lived in, so much like a home. _

_ Is this Illumi’s home? _

_ “I have a feeling the sweet tooth runs in the family, right? It sure seemed so from what Mimi’s been telling me about you~” The man hums and begins pulling out ingredients, there are sprinkles, marshmallows and biscuits everywhere. _

_ Kalluto nods and watches, but then realization hits. _

_ “Illu-nii talks about me?” _

_ “One of Lulu’s favorite things to do is talking about his lovely, little siblings, dear Ka~llu~to.” Hisoka grins. _

_ “D-does he… Is it good?” ‘Am I good?’ he wants to ask, he needs to know if maybe his brother only praises him so he doesn’t throw a tantrum, so he doesn’t run like Killua. He needs to ask, but he doesn’t want to know. _

_ A sharp eyebrow raises and Kalluto feels like an open book. _

_ “Illu loves his family a great deal. Ah~ I’m quite jealous of you, little one.”  _

_ “Jealous?” Kalluto is surprised. Why would anyone be jealous of him. _

_ “Very. Lulu’s always talking about how well you’re doing. Kalluto this, Kalluto that...I feel neglected sometimes.” Hisoka pouts. _

_ Kalluto feels like he’s floating, his head feels fuzzy, but he’s happy, he’s ecstatic. _

_ His brother thinks of him. _

_ Illumi doesn’t remove Kalluto’s existence from his head as soon as he’s out of sight. _

_ “Ready to learn how to make hot chocolate?”  _

_ Kalluto nods. _

_ He’ll make the best hot chocolate for Illumi. _

  
  
  


Present

He walks inside the infirmary and finds Hisoka awake.

They share a look and Kalluto walks to the side of the bed.

He’s bold, not afraid, his guard is down.

Hisoka won’t hurt him.

Silva picked right, but for the wrong reason. 

Kalluto places down the tray with hot chocolate on the nightstand and sits down across from Hisoka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly id give my kidney for an universe where hisoka and illumi just take the zoldyck kids and parent them 
> 
> hisoka, illumi and kalluto had the cutest sleepover that day let it be known, hisoka and kalluto played with illumi;s hair and then hisoka let them use his face to play with makeup 
> 
> extremely wholesome times were had


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is an even tinier chapter than usual with no flashbacks because I just felt like adding a tiny intermission chapter? 
> 
> not sure if that's even a proper thing to call it but anyway 
> 
> short chapter here we go have fun :3

They sit in silence for a good few minutes, Kalluto quietly sipping his hot chocolate while Hisoka stares into his own mug. It’s difficult to start a conversation in their current situation, it’s hard to tell if anyone should even speak at this point. Time seems slowed down around them, this room they’re in feels disconnected from the rest of the world.

One of them should start talking soon.

“Killua has a plan to bring Illu-nii back…”

Hisoka laughs, or at least that’s what Kalluto thinks the sound is supposed to be. It doesn’t sound human and it’s nowhere close to the magician’s usual chuckles and giggles. The sound he lets out is hoarse, a mix between a growl and a desperate cackle.

“What an interesting twist in this story.” Hisoka mocks.

Kalluto sits quietly, he doesn’t want or need to answer that. If Hisoka needs to be cruel Kalluto will stand by him.

The older man is right after all.

“We’ll be going to the Dark Continent to find Alluka. When that’s done Killua will make a wish and we’ll have Illu-nii back.”

Hisoka raises a brow. 

It’s an understandable reaction. How do we know Alluke is there? Why would Alluka be there? Why do we need Alluka? He must be trying to put pieces together with whatever information he already had from Illumi.

“Milluki figured it out.” Kalluto explains.

It was a surprise even for him to see Milluki so determined to put together the pieces of the puzzle and find Alluka’s location with only the small knowledge the family had about her and the small details that Killua was able to give.

“The entire family will be going.” 

Both of Hisoka’s brows rise up into his hairline this time.

It was strange how everyone agreed to go seemingly without any sort of discussion. Kalluto has never seen his family agreeing on something unanimously.

Hisoka puts his mug down and covers his face with a hand.

His shoulders begin to shake ever so slightly in the beginning and then it becomes more noticeable. 

Hisoka is laughing.

It’s Kalluto’s turn to be surprised.

“Of course!” He cackles, “of course they all want to do something now, right? People like you don’t know what you have until it’s gone,” he growls, eyes glowing with anger and bloodlust already oozing out of him like a cloud of poisoned gas.

The laughter slowly fades into little croaks, small rasps that sound painful.

They sit in silence for a few minutes once again until Hisoka speaks.

“Did you inform your darling leader about your upcoming journey?” His voice sounds blank, but Kalluto can feel something underneath, some unreadable emotion.

  
  


“No.”

Hisoka nods and reaches inside his pocket. He takes out a phone and flips it in his hand a few times.

Is he nervous about something?

With a heavy sigh Hisoka starts tapping away on the phone before putting it to his ear. It rings and it rings and it keeps ringing until it automatically disconnects and once again Kalluto can feel the growing bloodlust.

He tries calling again with the same result. The phone is thrown across the room and it breaks against the wall. Hisoka sits on the edge of the bed with his head bent down in such a way that Kalluto cannot make out his expression.

  
  


“Kalluto...give me your phone, please.” Hisoka holds out a clawed hand. His voice is quiet, but tense.

The phone in question is quickly placed in the magician’s hand.

The process repeats, but this time there’s an answer and Kalluto’s eyes widen when he recognizes Chrollo’s voice on the other end.

“Get to Kukuroo Mountain by the end of the day.” He looks up at Kalluto who’s still recovering from the shock.

Why would Hisoka contact Chrollo? From every single story he’s heard from the Troupe it sounded like they truly couldn’t stand Hisoka and like the magician was just as fond of them. If they were on such bad terms then why would Hisoka contact Chrollo at a time such as this?

“Little Kalluto’s perfectly fine, don’t ask stupid questions,  _ boss. _ “ He spits out the word. 

Kalluto blinks.

Was Chrollo worried about him?

“Illumi’s gone.” Hisoka says forcefully, it’s clear from his demeanor that he had to push himself to acknowledge it. “So if that interests you in any way do as I said and come to Kukuroo Mountain.” 

There’s dead silence from both men.

Hisoka throws the phone back to Kalluto and the boy has a less than elegant moment attempting to catch it. Chrollo is still on the phone although he isn’t talking currently.

“Boss?”

“...Kalluto, what is Hisoka trying to say?” There’s a strain in his voice, but it’s soft, comforting still.

“Illu-nii....h-he’s dead,” there’s a sharp breath intake on the other end of the phone and from the corner of his eye Kalluto sees Hisoka flinch. “I think Hisoka called you because we’re trying to bring him back…”

“Back? How?”

“It’s...complicated, but we’ll be leaving soon.”

There’s a pause.

“I’ll be there by the end of the day. Thank you for telling me Kalluto, I’m sorry for what happened.”

The boy bites his lip and nods, it’s an useless gesture in a phone call, but Kalluto can’t bring himself to reply with words.

They hang up.

Kalluto leaves to inform his family about the arrival of the Phantom Troupe’s leader. 

Grandfather is still healing, another fight would only delay their plans and Kalluto won’t have anyone getting in their way.

No, not anymore.

Kalluto Zoldyck will take his brother back from the claws of death and god help anyone that dares to get in his way.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaaaaand bible study man arrives :3
> 
> well not really, he arrives soon, but like, he got introduced
> 
> and this has been the last chapter for this year we'll see each other next in 2021 which is like 
> 
> wow we got really far 
> 
> honestly this is still so much fun to work on and u guys are the best, I love how there are so many of u that regularly comment
> 
> yall my lil buddies and I stan :3 <3


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back at it again with a very short chapter!
> 
> I'm sure u guys are used to me having short chapters by now heh
> 
> this was actually kinda difficult since I'm not that invested in chrollo and I don't really vibe with him except to bully him

Chrollo places the phone back in his coat pocket and sits in silence. Usually he’d find comfort in the stark quietness around him, but this time it feels like a heavy weight slowly pressing harder and harder on his shoulders. There’s this nagging curiosity that won’t stop bothering him, so many questions that he has no answer for.

How did it happen?

Who was there?

Why?

He thought it was strange for Hisoka to call him, not because the magician doesn’t contact him, but because he never really calls. These days a lot of their interaction is one sided with Hisoka sending him obnoxious messages and less than appropriate pictures. Of course, because of this Chrollo decided to ignore Hisoka’s calls.

Then his screen lit up again, but this time showing Kalluto’s name and Chrollo’s usually steady heartbeat skipped.

He worries so much more these days.

Instead of Kalluto it was Hisoka’s voice that came through the phone and Chrollo’s mind prepared for the darkest scenario.

It was all wrong.

Hisoka made vague demands on the phone, claiming Illumi was gone - a thing that Chrollo was truly doubtful of - and ordering Chrollo to come to Kukuroo Mountain. It all sounded like some new attempt at getting a fight out of Chrollo, but something was not right about it. Hisoka’s voice sounded wrong, it was hoarse with no hint of playfulness or teasing.

He asked for Kalluto on the phone.

He had to make sure the boy was safe since Hisoka seemed to be in an unstable state.

That’s when it all came together, every single piece falling into place.

Illumi was dead.

The idea seems absurd, but it appears to be the truth. It explains Hisoka’s stranger than usual demeanor, explains the magician’s presences at the Zoldyck mansion, but there are still so many mysteries.

He begins preparing for the journey while his head is filled to the brim with thoughts.

Chrollo Lucilfer is a thief down to his core.

He’d call himself a collector if the word didn’t bring to mind the image of corrupted slobs that take the beauties of the world and dirty them with their gresy paws. Humanity is so full of magnificent treasures and yet humans seem blind to it all. It’s intriguing, but what is more intriguing is taking away those marvelous pieces of art that the undeserving hoard and watching them react.

It’s such a spectacle, a treat that Chrollo indulges less nowadays.

There isn’t much that catches his eye now, nothing worth stealing, no treasure that perks his interest. His very own version of an artist's loss of inspiration, a writer’s block.The sensation comes and goes and very few things can reawaken his interest.

Then he found Illumi Zoldyck. 

They were both young, just coming into their own abilities and testing out their powers. Somehow so different and yet the same in a way that made Chrollo feel as if he found his match. 

He never wanted to steal something as badly as he wanted to steal Illumi Zoldyck.

It ate at him for many years and his desire only worsened the more he knew about Illumi. The Spider would have looked beautiful on the assassin’s skin, his abilities would have been more beautiful to witness than anything they’ve ever stolen.

Throughout their association Chrollo realized that it was the assassin that stole from him instead. Without any knowledge or intent Illumi Zoldyck stole a piece of the king of thieves.

It brings a smile to Chrollo’s lips.

You’d think Illumi is owned by his family, a puppet to Silva and Kikyo Zoldyck, that was Chrollo’s first impression and probably everyone’s first thought when they see the assassin. They’re all so very wrong and Chrollo is ashamed with how long it took him to realize it.

Illumi is in control of every single relationship and situation he’s in: targets, employers, family and partners. It’s hard to spot at first, but then you see it easily, such a fascinating show, a display of effortless power and influence from a flawless Manipulator.

Chrollo is overwhelmed with curiosity about what he will find at Kukuroo Mountain. Illumi’s death hangs heavy, but death is just another step and it seems they already have a plan for it so there is no need for his mind to be clouded by this.

He needs to stay concentrated, whatever plan they have to rip Illumi away from Death’s clutches will be difficult to accomplish and he’s sure a good amount of the Zoldycks and Hisoka will not be thinking clearly. 

They need someone like Chrollo and Hisoka knows it.

The magician must be desperate to ask for his help. Hisoka, in his strange way, is one of the most self-aware people Chrollo knows and if he calls the thief over it means he’s truly needed there. Maybe Zeno and Silva will attempt to fight him again, maybe Hisoka wants him there to persuade the thief into fighting the older Zoldycks together with him.

Who knows what gruesome scenarios Hisoka is picturing as he waits for Chrollo’s arrival.

He hopes Kalluto is fine, the boy doesn’t need more of Hisoka’s influence. They’re both fond of the young assassin.

Before leaving for Kukuroo Mountain Chrollo takes one moment to breathe and clear his head.

He’s inspired finally, a heist that will be worthy of his time, a treasure that no one deserves, but everyone yearns for. 

Chrollo Lucilfer will steal from Death itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aight there we go 2 chapters with no flashbacks but don't worry we're getting back to it next chapter
> 
> I really love doing the flashbacks, it's very chill and easy


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back at it again with a new chapter! this one is slightly longer than my usual ones and also has a spicy flashback :3
> 
> cheers u guys

It’s a few hours after Hisoka’s phone call with Chrollo that the entire Zoldyck family gathers for a meeting and of course Kalluto with his newly developed determination drags the magician after him. Maybe if his mind wasn’t clouded by plans to rip Kikyo and Silva apart he’d have praised the boy more.

Illumi would have been proud.

As Hisoka sits down and watches the family discuss their plans he can’t help, but think how happy Illumi would be. Killua is home, he’s done crying and fully committed to his plan to find Alluka, the air around him is different, he listens to what everyone else has to say and considers it.

Milluki is out of his room, but still has his laptop and is typing away gathering as much intel for the expedition as possible and making sure they’ll have a secure connection to the Zoldyck estate even after they leave. Apparently, he’s been frantically searching for information on the Dark Continent ever since he put together what Alluka was, he figured it all out himself when he finally put his mind to it.

Too bad he didn’t get to work earlier, Hisoka thinks bitterly, they’re all scrambling to help now, to be better, but no matter if they bring Illumi back or not their dedication is still too late in Hisoka’s eyes.

Little Kalluto seems to have taken upon the role of Illumi, a more assertive one. There’s a definitive presence coming from him now, where before there was just a shadow of a person following behind whoever. Hisoka would lie if he claimed he felt no pride, he’d also like to believe it’s more his influence than Chrollo’s.

Zeno looks unhurt and he pays attention, but his eyes drift to Hisoka once in a while and the jester simply flashes him a sharp grin. They’re both itching for another fight, it’s clear, but something else is slowly becoming obvious to Hisoka as he observes the Zoldycks.

The stone faced patriarch of the Zoldyck family, Silva himself, is on edge. You need to look closely and to be familiar with body language and luckily Hisoka’s is just that. It’s clear to him that Silva seems on edge, he’s even glancing at Hisoka from the corner of his eye.

Oh?

Hisoka’s shoulders start shaking with silent laughter.

So not even the great Silva is untouched by this madness.

Good to know.

Kikyo is weirdly silent, paler than ever and almost completely limp. The banshee hasn’t even screeched at Hisoka yet. She looks like a propped up corpse or a doll. He wonders if her eyes are as big and black as Illumi’s under that visor.

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ It’s rare that they get days like this particular one, days when they can simply lay in bed all day, sometimes saying nothing, sometimes talking about the most mundane subjects. The weather has been gloomy lately, grey clouds and cold rain, but that only meant more time they got to spend together. _

_ Illumi is laying with his head on Hisoka’s chest and his hair fanned out around both of them. They’re both sweaty and covered in bites and scratches while basking in the afterglow. There are little red blotches peppered across Illumi’s shoulders courtesy of Hisoka’s choice in lipstick for that day. _

_ They’re both sore and sated, enjoying the opportunity to be lazy together. _

_ “Darling, has anyone ever told you how beautiful your eyes are?” He purrs into Illumi’s ear and the assassin shifts and blinks up at him. _

_ His beloved tilts his head to the side, oh so confused at Hisoka’s strange sudden outburst. _

_ “They’re just eyes.” _

_ “Very pretty eyes, mesmerizing, really~” He chuckles and kisses his darling assassin on the forehead.  _

_ After a few moments of staring, Illumi’s face brightens with one of his little smiles. It never quite reaches his eyes, but Hisoka knows it’s genuine. _

_ “Yours are like fireflies!”  _

_ “How so, Lulu?” He pulls the assassin closer, making sure their bodies are pressed together to the point where they can feel each other’s heartbeat on their skin. _

_ “I liked going into the woods to look for things when I was younger. If I was out until late I’d see fireflies. They shone and lit up the entire clearing, it was beautiful, I’d forget the time just sitting there watching. Later, I brought Kil along to show him, he started chasing after one because it was so pretty...He stopped paying attention and almost fell and hurt himself trying to chase it.”  _

_ Illumi blinks, still staring into Hisoka’s eyes. “Your eyes are like that too, I think. They’re golden and they shine, but if you follow you’ll get hurt.” _

_ “Did you ever get hurt chasing fireflies, Lumi?”  _

_ “No, I never chased them.”  _

_ “What did you do then, darling?”  _

_ Illumi’s hands slowly reach up and then cup each side of Hisoka’s face. Those black eyes pull him in, charm him completely and render him useless. There’s no need for Nen, no Manipulation, just a pair of eyes, darker than the night and they pull Hisoka in until he feels like he’s floating. _

_ “I caught them.” Illumi says bluntly, but they both understand what it means. _

_ Illumi is the night, dark and beautiful, but silent and steady while Hisoka is the lone firefly that lights the path of the unsuspecting until they lose themselves in their deadly trap.  _

_ Neither of them can contain themselves any longer as their lips crash together in a fast paced kiss. Their hands roam each other’s bodies as they hold each other close. Illumi raises himself on top of Hisoka and the magician circles his hands around his waist and grins up at him. _

_ They're both still ready and if there is any pain in their coupling then that’s just a bonus. _

_ The assassin slams himself down on Hisoka’s hips and moans as he takes his length inside. They fuck fast and dirty, all teeth and nails which will surely result in having to wash the blood out of their sheets again. The thought only makes Hisoka work harder. _

_ In the aftermath they both lay together for a few moments, enjoying the peace and quiet. Illumi is on his back and he slowly counts the small freckles on Hisoka’s back while the magician adds a few more love bites to the assassin’s already ravaged neck and chest. _

_ It’s only them and no one else. _

_ Their simple moments of peace. _

_ He should ask Illumi to move in soon. _

  
  
  


Present

Hisoka’s thoughts and Silva’s speech are interrupted by a knock on the door. A butler walks in, the one with the glasses that keeps his eyes on Hisoka at all times, but he’s not alone this time because right behind him follows none other than Chrollo Lucilfer himself. Hisoka lets out a chuckle and his eye twitches when he takes in the thief’s appearance.

A suit.

A black suit, one perfect for a funeral. Chrollo’s hair is down, no trace of any product to keep it slicked back and his forehead is covered by a bandana. The thief walks inside the room before the butler has time to announce his presence and everything is silent.

For a moment everyone in the room braces themselves for a fight to break out, for something to happen, but there’s nothing.

Chrollo simply walks over and sits down next to Hisoka, he makes eye contact with Kalluto who gives a small nod back and then looks to Silva.

“May we continue?” He says as if this was a school class and he walked in after the teacher.

Hisoka bursts out laughing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp now the entire bad's gathered together so it's Trip Time 
> 
> just a heads-up it will be an absolute mess the second these idiots are isolated together


	19. Chapter 19

It’s all just empty words.

Useless.

Everyone’s useless.

Her baby is fine, he just needs to rest, needs his family, but instead, they’re losing time sitting here and doing nothing. Everyone’s gathered in the hall of the mansion, some explaining that stupid plan while others chip in with opinions and ideas. They keep saying her baby is dead, talking about her little doll-like he’s not just resting in his room.

Kikyo made sure they put him in his room, screamed her throat bloody until Silva agreed to bring Illumi back to his room. She almost lost her mind and hurt her priceless family when they showed Kikyo that terrible, terrible box they put her baby in. Unacceptable, Illumi loves being warm, he likes soft things so Kikyo tucked him in under as many soft blankets as she could find. She even put that stupid little toy made in the likeness of the clown next to Illumi.

Her baby is just sleeping.

Yes, that’s it.

He must be tired.

Her baby always cared so much, worked so hard…

Why does everyone keep talking like he’s dead?

And now this horrid expedition they keep talking about. Illumi takes a little break and all hell breaks loose. Kalluto keeps being disrespectful, that clown is lounging in their precious sitting room, letting out his pathetic bloodlust and disrespecting their family. Now, this strange new butler with his garish forehead tattoo also joined and no one’s telling him to leave.

Worst of all Silva wants them all to leave her little boy all alone at home.

What if he wakes up and his family is not there?

No, no, they can’t have that.

Her baby is strong but so very fragile and Kikyo won’t let them break his heart like this.

Family always stays together.

Especially a family like theirs.

They’re everything to each other.

They only have each other.

They’re all Kikyo has.

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ It’s such a beautiful day, the air is so incredibly clean up here on Kukuroo Mountain and Kikyo is still not used to it even after years of living in this lavish castle that is now her home. She feels like one of those princesses from stories with her knight in shining armour and their beautiful home on top of a mountain. Their little kingdom up in the clouds with loyal servants and beautiful children just like all those fairy tales used to say. _

_ They sit on a thick blanket together, Kikyo, Illumi and the newly born Milluki. A chubby, little treasure, still not right, still looking too much like Kikyo and Illumi, but it doesn’t matter. She’ll make it right next time, or the time after that, or maybe after that… _

_ There’s no issue with having more children, no matter what that grumpy, mean old man says. A large family only means more people to protect each other. Kikyo will teach all of them how to take care of their family, how to put it first and before everything. _

_ Illumi’s taking those lessons well, he was so confused at first when they told him about his brother, but slowly as he understood he warmed up to the idea. Her little Illumi was so happy to take care of his brother.  _

_ Kikyo remembers fondly how he took it upon himself to prepare Milluki’s room, made sure everything was soft and warm, covered every corner so his little brother would not get hurt. What an adorable sight he made. _

_ Kikyo was so proud. _

_ “Mama, can I hold, Millu?” Illumi reaches out to her, watching intently.  _

_ That is when Kikyo realizes she’s been holding Milluki too tight, the baby’s face already a little red and eyes teary.  _

_ Oh, how smart is her little Illumi.  _

_ Takes so much care of his family when they can’t take care of themselves. _

_ She did such a good job raising him. _

_ No matter what Zeno says. _

_ She. _

_ Did. _

_ A good. _

_ Job. _

_ A wailing Milluki is plucked out of her arms.  _

_ Her poor baby, she must have held him a bit too hard… _

_ At least Illumi’s there to help her, unlike everyone else in this house. They all look down on her, they all want her gone. Not her babies though, she’ll make sure her babies love her, she’ll take care of them forever.  _

_ The air feels slightly thicker around her and there’s a tightness in her chest that she attributes to her stressed state at first, but then she notices Illumi. He’s holding Milluki so gently, but his eyes are full of killing intent, the bloodlust is clear in the air and Kikyo’s eyes widen. _

_ It’s all directed at her. _

_ Such powerful bloodlust from her baby and it’s all because Illumi felt his little brother was in danger. His eyes are so cold, full of such pure anger. Of course, it’s nothing Kikyo hasn’t felt before, but Illumi is so young and he never showed even the slightest bit of irritation before today. _

_ Such a well-behaved child, not a lifeless doll-like Zeno likes to call him. _

_ Her baby isn’t lifeless, he's just… _

_ He’s her baby. _

_ Milluki reaches up and grabs onto a strand of black hair. The baby coos softly and giggles and somehow as if magically Illumi’s demeanor returns to normal. He simply looks down and smiles at his little brother while Kikyo watches in awe. _

_ Illumi looks up after a few moments as if just remembering Kikyo’s still there. _

_ “Can I show Millu around?”  _

_ Kikyo nods numbly and watches Illumi walk away. _

  
  
  
  


Present

“Kikyo.” 

They can’t leave her baby all alone at home and leave. It’s all so stupid and no one understands. No one ever understands. They all ignore her. Everyone just thinks she’s an uneducated piece of trash from Meteor City and they look down on her, but all she wants is to protect her children!

“Kikyo.”

Someone’s shaking her shoulder.

“Kikyo!” Silva growls and she finally looks up. 

“We’re going. Get up.” His voice is rough and his grip is tight. Her poor husband doesn’t know any better, but he tries to help her…

That’s not what he should be doing now.

He should be making sure Illumi is safe while she rests.

Kikyo shakes her head. “I’m not leaving Illumi! What if he wakes up?! I can’t leave my baby alone, darling. You know he hates it, you know how he cried when h-he....” She sobs and clutches at Silva’s wrist.

He needs to understand.

If not him then who else?

“Who said we’re leaving Lulu? I don’t remember that part.” A voice like a sweet, poisonous honey calls out and Kikyo looks up to find the source of her only saviour.

The clown is grinning at her.

“I’ll go grab Mimi and we’ll all be on our way~” 

They’re all left behind as heels click up the stairs to Illumi’s room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> full disclosure i had no idea this was going to be a kikyo chapter until I opened google docs and started writing! 
> 
> heheheheheh had so much fun with her tho :3
> 
> i love the zoldyck family so fucking much and I will kill for more lore on them but since I can't have that ill just make my own
> 
> also we passed 20k :3 we do have 20 chapters cause I write extremely short but like what can u do


	20. Chapter 20

They’ve been on this damned ship for days and Zeno’s already exhausted. The boat is full of powerful murderers with precarious morals and even shakier sanity. Somehow it turns out that the only people staying sane on this blasted expedition are Zeno and a corpse. 

Funny.

Of course, almost everyone is trying to at least put up a bit of a front and while some do a good job to hide it some are clearly hanging off the ledge. Then there’s also Kikyo, the Meteor City doll his son bought for himself, the woman doesn’t even have the presence of mind to pretend she is sane.

She’s been screeching her head off like a banshee and caring for the corpse as if it will get up and ask if they’ll have cake for dinner soon. 

Killua’s desperate, it’s clear to see and so easy to use it against him. One wrong move and he’d give himself up just to right his wrong. The boy is so desperate to fix his mistakes sometimes...Too bad for him, it’s not Zeno’s fault they raised with a perfection complex.

Kalluto is using this to make himself stronger, commendable, Zeno almost forgot the kid even existed. It’s nice to see some fire in those eyes.

Milluki hass been a ball of anger ever since the news broke, but he’s been useful apparently. Figured out what Alluka was in no time. The boy’s surprisingly in control of himself, maybe there’s something to him after all.

Zeno thought at least Silva would keep his calm and granted he’s better at hiding it than the rest, but he’s on edge as much as Killua. Like father, like son as the saying goes... At least Silva isn’t bouncing off the walls, but he’s shaky. Maybe it’s because he lost a powerful asset, maybe because Kikyo is losing her mind more than usual or maybe he mourns as a father.

Zeno lost no children, it’s not something he knows.

The clown and the thief circle the room with the corpse, they stay there together and leave together, never once allowing one to watch over the corpse without the other. 

Hisoka is still crass and smug and talks too much, but his every joke is a stab at their family, a stab at Killua’s rebellion, Milluki’s carelessness, Kalluto’s inaction and Silva’s neglect. His tone is cheerful and annoying, but his aura is dark, blood-thirsty, demonic.

Chrollo watches like a hawk, he analyzes what everyone does and doesn’t participate in anything. It doesn’t matter how much someone questions his intentions or how much the clown picks at him. The thief might be there because Hisoka and Kalluto asked, but Zeno feels there’s something personal involved.

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ Another fantastic day to spend at home… _

_ Sometimes Zeno wishes there were as many jobs for him to take as there were in his youth. Long ones especially...Really long ones. _

_ He can’t believe he raised a coward. There are many things about Silva that he can’t believe, but this one is new and so Zeno shall complain about it when his good for nothing son returns home. _

_ Which will probably be after Kikyo gives birth. _

_ Coward. _

_ Zeno sighs and walks into the main hall hoping to find Tsubone and challenge her to a game of chess maybe. He’d prefer Gotoh, but the man is most likely busy keeping Kikyo as calm as humanly possible. Nothing goes his way in this house anymore, an old man can’t even have a bre- _

_ “Grandfather,” there’s a clap and Zeno is already face to face with a smiling Illumi, “I would like you to assist me with some preparations.”  _

_ Great. _

_ “Ahm, what’s the matter?”  _

_ “Mother has been incredibly upset lately so I thought to prepare the baby shower for Kalluto by myself while she rests.” The boy looks at Zeno as if this plan of his is the perfect solution to their problems. “Mother would feel appreciated and baby showers bring the family together. It would be a positive experience for us.” _

_ Simple-minded fool. _

_ “Fine, fine point me where you need me.” Zeno sighs and crosses his arms behind his back, ready to follow Illumi around and listen to his nonsense until he finds a good moment to slip away. _

_ “Thank you, grandfather. I’ve been decorating the backyard, mother likes the clean air and the sunshine there. The cooks are preparing everyone’s favourite foods, father’s included. ” _

_ “Good planning.” Of course the boy knows everyone’s favourite food… _

_ “Thank you, grandfather, I had this in mind for a while and I picked some of your preferred blends of tea as well.”  _

_ Zeno sighs, at least if he was a terrible child… _

_ “Mhm, got anything for yourself?” He doesn’t like to encourage or praise Illumi’s strange obsessions, but he doesn’t dissuade them either. _

_ “Hm?” Again with that wide-eyed confused look of his. “I convinced everyone to participate.” _

_ And that’s enough for Illumi, isn’t it? Everyone in this damned family wishes for the impossible aims for the stars, but here before Zeno stands Illumi Zoldycks who only wishes for a family.  _

_ Zeno follows him outside and can’t for the life of him tell why Illumi needs his help. Everything looks to be flawless, there’s a large table to fit everyone, a seat at each end for Silva and Zeno and special chairs for Killua, Alluka and Kikyo. _

_ He doesn’t say anything about it, just takes a seat and watches Illumi fret about this baby shower, there’s the occasional screech coming from inside Kikyo’s room that keeps him entertained, but for the most part, he loses himself in thought. _

_ Then his peace is broken by a loud thunder followed by pouring rain.  _

_ There goes the baby shower. _

_ Zeno chuckles to himself and looks up to throw a small jab at his grandson, but he can’t bring himself too when he sees Illumi’s face. The boy is stuck in place, looking like a drowned cat and shaking. It’s not the cold, it’s something else. _

_ The boy’s upset. _

_ “It’s ruined…” _

_ “Stop blabbering, everyone’s fine. Come inside, we'll eat there.” _

_ “But no one will…” Illumi doesn’t get to finish his sentence before Zeno clicks his tongue and interrupts him. _

_ “Illumi, come on inside. I’ll teach you my favourite game so I have someone to play with in this house.” He sighs. “You can take the brats along too. You said you convinced everyone to go along with the stupid baby shower, they can go along with it inside too.” _

_ Illumi blinks a few times, Zeno can almost hear the gears turning in his head, and then he nods and starts walking inside as if nothing happened. As if he didn’t almost break down over a wet dinner table and some failed party. _

_ Zeno sighs and follows inside, he did this to himself now he has to deal with it. _

_ The rain doesn’t let up, but the improvised baby shower works out just fine. Milluki is successfully bribed with food, Killua and Alluka hide away in a little fort nest that they pestered Illumi to build for them and Kikyo falls asleep on the couch. _

_ Most interesting of all is that Illumi turns out to quite the opponent. The boy learns the rules fast and starts winning even faster. Zeno notices that each time Illumi wins there’s this short moment where he looks up at Zeno, those big eyes resembling a small animal asking to be praised and petted. The boy thrives on praise and Zeno is quite sure he never gave him any so each time Illumi wins he inclines his head in a gesture of appreciation.  _

_ It’s almost painful how alive those eyes look when he does that. _

  
  
  


Present

Without him knowing Zeno’s legs take him to the room he sarcastically named the morgue. It’s nothing like a morgue, more like a lavish bedroom with a large soft bed and blankets. 

Illumi is nestled in like a sleeping child and apparently, he’s been left alone.

Zeno stands in the doorway for a few seconds, more than he should allow himself, and proceeds to give Illumi a small appreciative nod before leaving.

Maybe he too cared for that little doll-eyed creature that haunted their house and tried to make it a home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hello everyone here we go with another zeno chapter :3
> 
> i still can't believe I've got 20 chapters and 20k words of this 
> 
> welp it's all still very fun to do so imma keep going and entertaining yall >:3c
> 
> see yall on twitter or whatever


	21. Chapter 21

They sit in silence by Illumi’s bed.

Chrollo thinks he’s been reading the same paragraph for the last ten minutes and he is almost sure Hisoka has been brushing the same section of Illumi’s hair for just as long. They’re playing the same game, waiting for the other to crack. In what way? Neither is sure, but at the first sign of weakness, they’re sure to strike.

They should reach the Dark Continent soon and once there everyone knows there’s no guarantee they’ll make it out successfully. The promise of exploring uncharted land is still so alluring to the thief, but his main goal remains clear in his mind. Hisoka might be content with dying if he does so in a whirlwind of blood and violence, but Chrollo thinks differently.

Their expedition was more than long enough for him to come up with a plan for what actions he should take once on land. The mission is already a difficult one, finding a little girl with otherworldly wish-granting powers will not be easy, but there is a chance. Milluki compiled a good enough amount of information for them to understand the dangers they will encounter and they came to the agreement that avoiding as much conflict as possible is their best chance.

If disaster strikes, Chrollo is prepared. He needs to survive and find the girl, keep Illumi’s younger siblings alive, everyone else is disposable. It would be almost worthless to bring Illumi back if his siblings were to give their lives in exchange, Chrollo is well aware and he dreads the thought. Not only because he grew fond of Kalluto, but because he knows Illumi would slip through his fingers and waste away if he came back to find the siblings he raised gone.

The elder Zoldycks he’s willing to sacrifice during this mission, in fact, he is sure Zeno will be the first to step up at the opportunity of a suicide mission. Silva and Kikyo will protect the children with their lives if needed and if that happens Chrollo just needs to take the siblings and get to a safe place. Hisoka is a wild card, nothing surprising in how unpredictable he is. Chrollo has no doubt the magician will sacrifice each and every single one of them to bring Illumi back even if that means he will later die at the assassin’s hands upon discovery.

Always so possessive of his belongings, like a child ready to break his favourite toy so others cannot take it away from him. 

Too childish for his own good. 

Too eager to show off his possessions.

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ The music is deafening, the air is completely clogged by smoke and the lights in this place must have been installed for the sole purpose of blinding people.  _

_ Of course, this is the kind of place where Hisoka wanted them to meet. At the very least Chrollo should probably be glad the magician didn’t lure him to some defunct amusement park. He consoles himself with the thought that Hisoka wouldn’t be that much of a fool to try and fight him in a place like this. _

_ The thief sighs and gets up, he might as well get a drink while he waits, make sure Hisoka pays for it afterwards. Apparently, even walking to the bar is a matter of skill and endurance in this place, but he does manage to pick a few pockets on his way.  _

_ Just as he reaches the bar and settles on a seat, Chrollo notices the person sitting next to him. They’re tall, towering over the thief in heels and most likely still taller than him even without. The outfit is peculiar, all-black much like Chrollo’s, long legs covered by high-waisted suit pants, a crop top that shows off the porcelain skin of their stomach and their sharp collarbones. The person’s arms and shoulders are covered by a leather jacket and their long, inky black hair is pulled in a high ponytail that accentuates their long neck. _

_ Chrollo is mesmerized, probably stares for longer than intended before a bell-like voice speaks over the music. _

_ “He will pay.” The person simply points at Chrollo with a long, elegant finger. _

_ Good thing he grabbed that wallet on his way to the bar… _

_ He smiles and hands the bartender a few bills, whatever this mysterious siren ordered is, it seems quite expensive. _

_ “May I have your na-” He attempts to ask, but when he finally comes eye to eye with this dark fae that enchanted him within seconds he freezes. _

_ A pair of large, black eyes pin him down and stare into him, he feels like his very soul is unravelling before this magnificent creature. _

_ He never felt anything like this… _

_ “Are you sick?” _

_ Sick?  _

_ No, this isn’t sickness, this is something else. _

_ The thief thinks he must look like a fool, standing mute in front of this ethereal being, but he can’t help himself. His spiral into obsession stops abruptly when an arm wraps around that slender waist and an infuriating purr chimes from behind the beauty. _

_ “Ah, Illu, darling! I see you and Chrollo already met. Lucky me~” Infuriating as always, Hisoka manages to surprise the thief. _

_ This is Illumi Zoldyck. _

_ “He bought me a drink.” Illumi turns his head just slightly and he barely gets to finish his sentence before Hisoka is capturing those pouty lips in a kiss. _

_ The magician never stops looking at Chrollo as he kisses the assassin. _

_ Bastard. _

_ His arms wrap even tighter around Illumi’s waist and the thief clears his throat. As he watches the assassin’s hand grab Hisoka by the hair and roughly pull him away, Chrollo can’t help but feel a pang of want. _

_ “You told me this was for a job.” His voice is reproachful, experienced in scoldings in such a way that even Chrollo feels a slight shame. _

_ Hisoka grins from ear to ear and dramatically bows and gestures to a private table. _

_ “After you, darling.” _

_ They settle at the table that Hisoka apparently reserved a few days previously. _

_ Illumi and Chrollo manage to come to an agreement over the conditions of the contract, the agreement being that the assassin will proceed as he wishes and Chrollo will pay him a high amount of money in return. _

_ It’s an almost pleasant atmosphere now, the only disturbance being Hisoka’s smug expression and wandering hands. The magician flaunts his relationship with the assassin, he does it on purpose, wants Chrollo to see it all, but that’s Hisoka’s mistake. _

_ Chrollo Lucilfer is a thief. _

  
  
  


Present

“I know what you’re thinking.” Hisoka’s voice rips him out of the memory.

“You do?”

“Always.” The magician grins.

The tension in the room raises rapidly and would have kept rising to dangerous levels if not for the sudden knock on the door.

“Get your asses up. We arrived.” Zeno’s disgruntled voice calls from beyond the door.

Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally chrollo gets his flashback chapter :3 
> 
> this man is still too difficult for me id rather write more kikyo and zeno :P hehehehehe
> 
> anyway! imma let yall know we've got only a few more chapters before we're done
> 
> like very few
> 
> maybe 3?
> 
> dunno i don't really plan as you're all aware


	22. Chapter 22

As they step off the ship everyone feels the heavy pressure of finality, one way or another, this is the beginning of the end. There’s one more moment of silence on the beach where they take one last steadying breath before stepping into the uncharted land of the Dark Continent. Around them there’s no sign of anything familiar, the plants are like nothing they’ve ever seen, stretching and twisting up into the sky, some with bright, blinding colours and others with thorns so sharp even the lightest touch would leave you bleeding,

It’s fascinating, but not for them, not right now. No time can be wasted, no turn can be taken without proper thought and each step needs to be careful or else they might never return whole. 

Hisoka would be excited if it wasn’t for the sole purpose of this expedition.

They need to find that little girl quickly.

Milluki is the only one still on the ship along with Illumi, the boy is their surveillance system in this hellish landscape. Somehow that mad genius managed to create small, bug-sized drones that were initially meant for assassination work, but it turns out they’re even more useful in their situation. Milluki stays in contact with them and informs everyone about anything suspicious that is caught on camera.

Kalluto used his adorable, little paper technique to make sure everyone is kept track of. He even has a cute paper cutout of all of them holding hands, even one of Illumi, right in the middle. It’s terribly easy for Hisoka to choose his favourite Zoldyck after his darling.

In all his life Hisoka prided himself on the fact that he doesn’t get attached, he has his toys, loves some more than others and doesn’t care much when they’re gone, but he never once felt this deep, unsettling emptiness, this boiling feeling that overwhelmed him the second he found out Illumi was dead.

The first day is quiet.

The second day is the same, but the tension increases.

The third day is hell.

None of them expected whatever it was that attacked, but they fought, tried to at least get away from it, lose their tracks through the jungle, but to no avail. It finds them again, still tired and hurt and they keep trying to fight. 

If this is where it ends for him then so be it. 

He made his peace.

If there’s an afterlife at least he’s the first one to find Illumi.

  
  
  


_ Past _

_ “Hisoka.” A voice calls out to him before a pair of black eyes peek out of their blanket fort. _

_ “Yes, my love?” He puts his phone away, preferring to give Illumi his whole attention when the assassin talks. Hisoka knows it upsets his darling greatly when people don’t listen to what he says. _

_ “We should get married.” It’s a simple statement, like he’s telling Hisoka they should buy more sweets.  _

_ It’s exactly like Illumi’s way of asking for sweets now that Hisoka considers it. Eyes big and sweet, looking like a pampered, little cat that will most likely scratch Hisoka’s eyes out if he is denied his request. _

_ “What brought this on, Lulu?” _

_ “It will be much easier if you become part of the family, even better if you come live at the mansion with everyone else.” Illumi tilts his head to the side. “You would find entertainment easily.” _

_ “Entertainment?” He can’t help but prod a little, it’s lovely hearing Illumi speak. Who can blame him for wanting more? _

_ The assassin’s brows furrow adorably, like he expected Hisoka to understand what he meant. His poor, little darling always thinks what he’s saying is completely sensible and normal. It’s so much harder to understand the way Illumi’s brain works, the way those little cogs spin and work to come to his conclusions. _

_ “If you decide to be public about your connection to us, which I’m sure you will be, then you will quickly become a target. There will be many powerful people sending their best Nen users to capture or dispose of you.”  _

_ Hisoka is deeply touched, Illumi knows him so well. _

_ “Ah~ that does seem very tempting, love.” _

_ “Oh, and also we should be married when we have children. Mother would be very upset otherwise.”  _

_ Illumi says this with such bluntness and Hisoka chokes on his spit.  _

_ “I’m not changing my name, I hope that’s clear.” _

_ And he just proceeds like the previous statement never happened and Hisoka isn’t coughing out his lungs in bed. _

_ “O-of course, Mimi.” He manages to calm himself and properly lay back in bed while Illumi is still unmoved by his near-death experience caused by the promise of future fatherhood. _

_ “Then it’s settled.” Illumi wiggles closer to Hisoka until he’s in the magician’s lap. _

_ “It would seem so~” He hums and wraps his arms around the blanket cocoon that keeps his lovely butterfly warm. _

_ “You need to buy me a ring now.” Big eyes blink up at him. _

_ “Mhm.” _

_ “Father bought a very beautiful ring when he married mother, it’s still her favourite piece of jewellery. She takes it everywhere she goes.” _

_ “I’ll get you an even better one, doll.” _

_ “I expect you too, but first you need to ask father for permission.” How could he forget his beloved was so painfully traditional sometimes. _

_ At least there was no waiting until marriage in their relationship… _

_ “Darling, I’m not sure how well a visit to your father would go.” He should be careful with his wording now. “We could get married right now, some paperwork and all’s don-” _

_ Illumi’s hair begins standing up as bloodlust fills the room. _

_ “Or I could come to visit and have a nice chat with your family. I miss little Kalluto, it will be fun to visit.” Didn’t word it well enough it seems. “Don’t be upset, love, I’m just hurrying to get married to you.” _

_ “Oh, don’t worry about that. I already planned everything. All you need to do is speak to father and after he says yes it will be a matter of days until everything is properly prepared. _

_ “How long have you been thinking about this, Lulu?” _

_ “Since we met.”  _

_ Hisoka blinks. “Our first meeting?” _

_ Illumi nods. “Yes.” _

_ “Love, you were very young from what I remember.” _

_ “An assassin should always be prepared.” _

_ It might be terribly foolish of him to do it, but Hisoka bursts out laughing. _

  
  
  


Present

It all happens in the blink of an eye. 

One second they all see their lives pass before their eyes, all their work to get here wasted and the very next there’s a cacophony of voices, all high pitched and screeching at the tops of their lungs.

Then pure silence.

Then Killua’s weak voice calls out in disbelief. 

“Alluka?”

Hisoka starts mentally preparing his marriage proposal and vaguely hopes Silva’s not dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi :3
> 
> so here we go we found the deus ex machina of this story 
> 
> i think next chapter will be the last? I'm not completely sure but probably :3


	23. Chapter 23

Alluka never expected to ever see her family again, she thought the dark shadows and holes in the ground will be her new home, that there will never be another colourful room filled to the brim with toys, that she will never see Killua again. 

Killua who was always nice to her, but never let her speak. He never did it on purpose, but he was so sure that his way was the right one, that he knew the best and Alluka couldn’t bear to say no to him. That is why together with Nanika they decided to grant Killua’s wish. They decided to go away.

It didn’t take long for Alluka to understand just how much she didn’t fit in this new world that was supposed to be her home now. This strange land full of monsters and shadows held no comfort for her, but Nanika seemed at peace, they started disagreeing so much lately.

Before it was as if there was no clear line where Alluka ended and Nanika began, but now it’s all too clear for both of them.

That was everything she thought until one of those little metal bugs Milluki built found her. It was instantly that she felt a flutter in her heart and she began chasing the metal insect. She expected to find many things, but not even once did she expect her entire family to be there.

Almost all of them, she thought as together with Nanika she made sure her family was safe, all of them besides mother and Illumi.

It hurt, as it always did, her mother’s absence was deeply hurtful for the same reason Illumi’s was. They cared for the family so much, both of them ready to give up everything for them, but never for Alluka and it always felt like a painful stab right in her heart. 

Alluka would do anything for their family too, but Nanika was so difficult sometimes, not even she understood fully what she could do or what it really meant for people, for humans. It always felt like a game, never something of real consequence and for a long time, it felt the same for Alluka as well.

There were two other people with her family that she didn’t recognize and Milluka wasn’t there in person, but the tiny insect did continue to follow her so for Alluka that counted as her brother being there with her.

Killua cried when he saw her again, he hugged her tight and wept, trying to make sentences but failing miserably as he sobbed.

She did recognize a few words, pleas for help, Illumi’s name and the word dead.

That was when she slowly started to understand and a mix of emotions started rolling inside her heart, rumbling like a coming storm. 

It wasn’t Alluka that they came for.

Really it wasn’t even Nanika that they came for.

It was Illumi.

They really cared for Illumi didn’t they...To come this far and get in this much danger only for the slightest chance to find her and make a wish. Alluka doesn’t think they’d ever do that for her. 

Even Alluka can think of so many reasons to need Illumi back, but barely any for herself. 

She has to do this for them, help her family at least once after being the cause of so much trouble. Maybe now that Nanika is back to her home she’ll let Alluka return to her own.

Maybe she gets lost in thought for longer than needed because the strange, tall man with red hair clears his throat and his eyes scare her. Another man with a weird forehead mark watches silently, but Alluka feels like a book flipped open. Killua still looks at her with hopeful eyes and Kalluto almost matches the redhead’s intensity with his stare.

There’s no way she would say no to their request.

No time is wasted on their way back to the ship. Killua holds her hand and Kalluto watches like a hawk. Everyone seems so on edge, the air is heavier than ever and a part of Alluka just wants to run away and hide again. 

Once on the ship, they make her wait, something about taking Kikyo somewhere else before they bring her in. It takes a while and Alluka can hear the screaming and the crying and she fidgets.

When they finally bring her inside the room to see Illumi she feels a hole in her tummy, like everything in the world is wrong, like things aren’t how they’re supposed to be. She takes a few steps forward and touches her brother’s hand, closes her eyes and before Killua gets to say anything he decides to make her first, last and only wish to Nanika. This is their time to part ways, each to go back to their homes and live their lives separately. 

“Nanika...please bring my brother back.”

That is when everything around her goes completely dark and she expects to hit the cold, hard floor, but someone catches her before she does.

  
  


_ A Month Later _

Illumi has no clear idea of what happened while he was gone, no one wants to tell him no matter what he does. It’s always a more or less clever attempt at dodging his questions and as annoying as it is, he made his peace with not knowing.

Everyone is home now, they eat meals together when they can and Killua came back to them. If Illumi knew this was what his family needed to come together he would have given his life long ago, but it’s all said and done now.

Alluka is back with them, a pleasant addition now that the dangerous spirit is gone, Illumi likes spending time with her and Kalluto although he worries about what will happen to his hair if he has to be his siblings’ test subject a few more times.

He loves it.

Still, as happy as he is with the current conditions Illumi has to admit that everything changed abruptly. The very next day after his resurrection he was swarmed by his siblings, Killua wanted to show him every single one of his new Nen techniques, Milluki immediately got his console and set up a game for both of them, but he was just as content to play by himself while Illumi watched. 

Kalluto hugged him and refused to budge for hours and Alluka shily asked to join. His mother complained to no end about how terrible everyone has been, how they were so noisy and stubborn and how they wouldn’t let Illumi rest.

Everyone agreed to simply let her believe Illumi was just resting.

Still, it was very quickly that Kikyo noticed the disappearance of Nanika and began to treat Alluka as another of her beloved children.

Once on Kukuroo Mountain, Mike was the first to greet them, the hound was elated at the sight of his master returning home. The butlers were next, Gotoh and Tsubone bowed deeply, asked for punishment for offences that Illumi had no idea of.

Hisoka didn’t say anything to him back then, he disappeared immediately after Illumi came back to life, didn’t even return to the mansion with them.

Until he did return.

With a ring and a marriage proposal right in front of his entire family.

Silva nodded approvingly, Kikyo screeched about him being better off with the tattooed butler and Zeno rolled his eyes with a grin.

And now, a month after everything, it’s their wedding day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i don't know what writing spirit possessed me, but um....here we go i guess???
> 
> honestly i can't believe this is done or how i did it but I'm so incredibly happy to have done this and i appreciate every single one of you that liked this, commented on this or just opened it once and looked over it for fun
> 
> i might have something else in store for the future which is basically a way less sad fic about hisoillu in different fairy tale scenarios :3
> 
> keep ur eyes open for that one if it ever happens but again no promises with me cause I'm a mess

**Author's Note:**

> There we go 
> 
> This is basically my first proper fanfic and this is kind of a trial chapter. I'm not sure if I'll keep on with writing it, but I'm kinda excited to do it 
> 
> I feel like this chapter can be a standalone, but I've got so many more plans
> 
> This is basically going to be a lot of flashbacks as the characters recall moments they've spent with Illumi and then little bits of the present where we have the characters trying to bring him back


End file.
